Oh, yes, I have learned the hard way that keeping aloof to avoid pain is not the way to live. Got the pain anyhow.
So I am working on opening up, etc. I think I can give of myself with no expectations. I am on my local rescue squad, and will soon be working with our local immigrant workers on how to access EMT services. So I do reach out to give and participate.
But how to give to the WAH? I am making the 180's of being open--the pain of the break up just cracked my reserved facade wide open. There's no doubt I would be 180 in any work with X.
I have been reading the boundaries threads, but still not seeing how it applies to me right now. In future, should X approach me to try and reconcile, I understand there would be boundaries about the R with OW being over, but right now that doesn't seem to apply. Forgive me if I am being dense about that.
I am trying to read Uncoupling, but honestly it made me so sad I couldn't handle it. Doing a bit better reading Coming Apart. That doesn't hurt quite so much.
thanks for taking the time to reply during a holiday!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
The idea was to pay the household bills out of the joint account together, so we could both keep up with what went in/out.
He just didn't contact me, nor I him, when it was time for the November bills.
More interestingly, he has declared that the income from the apartments + my contribution (which he said should be MORE as RENT because I am enjoying living here) + just a little bit more would be more than enough to cover the household: taxes, sewer, insurance, etc. This is odd to me, because we have both contributed $850.00/month PLUS the rental income and there have been months when we had to juggle what to pay when. Not due to extravagances--just the upkeep on a 200 year old home.
He declared that he would pay $200.00 "rent" to use the workshop. We have a beautiful barn equipped with all his woodworking tools, and it is killing him not to be here to putter around. I told him that he didn't have to pay "rent" on his/our barn...but if that's how he felt about it...and he was always welcome to use the damn barn.
So for November he only put $200.00 into the joint account. I decided this was simply good ammunition for the inevitable showdown on who buys who out...so if he wants to be on record as NOT contributing equally to the jointly owned home...so be it. We will just have to see how the expenses vs. the income works out.
Yeah, he wanted me to pay "rent."
But for November at least, I calmly and correctly paid all the bills, so the household accounts are in good order.
Oh, such fun.
I
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
