New, my story

[Inaspin]

Thanks SOB

I feel that I am in a much better space. The pain is still there, but I acknowledge it and do not let it control me. Still having my moments but just need to kick on now.

I managed day 3 of detaching, W was little more relaxed around me this morning and last night, but I am not reading anything in to it as this is very early days. She bought me herbal anti stress pills and an immune booster yesterday, so at least she still thinks of me.

It is so hard for me to do this, as the fear is there that she will think I have given up and am ok with the sitch, but I know that everything else I have done to this point has only made it worse, so what do I have to lose.

My relationship with my S is stronger than ever. I find focusing and playing with him when I get home from work makes it more bearable in the house. I give him all the affection and love I have stored up for my W. It makes it easier for me knowing that this love will not be taken away from me.

We are going to a fancy dress work function on Friday night together. I am a little nervous, I am going to have to condition myself not go any ware near R talk, be overly lovey, just look at it as going out with a friend.

I have decided with help of my IC to go into a addicts recovery program. I have not smoked a joint or had a drink for some time now, but I have managed to stop before for long periods but always started up again.

Regardless of what happens with my M, I need to kill this demon once and for all. I want to be the best I can be and I need to face my addictive personality head-on and never go down that road again. This is another huge 180 for me, admitting I have a problem.

I will have to tell my W about this as I will be at meetings on week nights. I know she will think it is a ploy to get her back, but it is really for me.

So hear we go, day 4, another day to get closer to God, another day to get it right.