DanceQueen, I understand about the attitude. Perhaps it sounds strange to you, but I wouldn't mind a woman doing to me exactly what your husband is doing. It's one of my many fantasies. My wife indulged me a few times that way when we first became sexual and I absolutely loved it.
Yes, I understand your point about the discussion being only about your husband. It's part of my skewed perspective to see it as normal to consider all women as sexual prospects, just the way one does when one is single and unattached. Because, bizarre as it may sound, the only women I can realistically expect to have sex with are women who are not my wife. I know, totally backassbackwards. I wish it weren't that way.
As for being an alpha male and taking the steps, I've taken them all. The ONLY thing I haven't done yet is divorce. And that is my choice for now. Yes, I have taken the risk of suggesting divorce many times. I have even suggested that she could have her own boyfriend if she wanted, as I'm obviously not doing it for her in that department.
As for taking charge and control, the only thing I can force is divorce, and I have chosen not to do so at this point. For every other option, I need her cooperation. To suggest that an alpha male's only choice is to force something, then I would be forced to divorce just to be an alpha male. I have chosen not to do that yet.
As for his attitude when you met your husband, I'm sure there was a body language and compatibility realization long before you become sexual. And you would not have chosen each other if you had preferred a different sexual style.
The fact that I genuinely enjoy several very different sexual styles does not make any one of them phony or invalid, just because I like another style at the same time. If I sensed that a woman preferred mostly to be sexually "taken", I would warm to that and it would be a genuine expression of my feelings. I wouldn't be doing JUST to attract the woman.
