Another waw/mlc and I need support

[cyclone]

An update:

The past couple of days have been interesting. The MLC is very good at spreading their confusion or sucking us in.

A couple of days ago while making dinner, W comes in and starts talking about stuff. I've been really good the past few days while off work of keeping the conversation light and maintaining PMA. She then asks if I ever give any thought to being friends later. She says she still wants to be my best friend and wants me to be hers. I told her that we used to be best friends but I don't have a crystal ball. I said I'd like to be her friend for now. There has definitely been a noticable increase in the amount of friendly talk between the two of is. Just two months ago she couldn't wait to leave whenever o was around.

Yesterday evening I sat down to watch some tv and she came in to join me. Rather than sit on opposite sides of the couch she sat next to me. A few minutes later she is really close and puts her head on my shoulder. I followed her lead by rubbing her feet a bit later when she adjusted positions. It was an evening where I felt I was with my wife again.

I told myself later to enjoy the moment for what it was and have no expectations. Today started well enough. Got up to go for an hour long bike ride (GAL). Spent good time with the kids later. She struggled with some business stuff for most of the day. This is something that in the past I would have jumped in to save her. I didn't help when she was complaining about it. Just said I had confidence in her thatvshe could figure it all out.

Later in the day she joined me on the couch and wanted to talk about thanksgiving. She wanted to know if would be alright if she left around 2:30. I told her that we had agreed to have dinner at 2 and she could leave whenever she wanted. She won't be home tonight so she probably won't show up until 2 but at this point if she joins us or not is her choice. It still amazes me that she has gone from wanted the kids by herself to now spending maybe 30 min with them for thanksgiving. She has toldnthem theybcqn spend the afternoon on the Wii because as she told me the won't notice that she is gone. Right.

The final part of the conversation on the couch was about we need to figure things out soon. She doesn't want us to drop a Hiroshima bomb on the kids over the holidays. There is no us in the bomb dropping. It won't be any easier on the kids later although she may have an easier time. This talk still affects me although I don't let it show. She commented that I never want to talk about this stuff and she is ways the one to initiate conversations.

The stuff I am confused about is doing 180s. If one of her valid complaints was that I don't show affection as much as I should so I just have to tough it out and hope to get to a point where she wants to try again to show her that I can make that change. It seems as though detaching plays into the more of the same behavior. Then again I realize that the only way she can get through this is on her own and I have to drop the rope for that to happen. This is why I am confused about the difference between a WAW and MLC. In the end I'll be fine because I am working on me but I'd also like to not do the wrong thing when it comes to a chance to save our M.

Opinions welcome.