I got up yesterday and thought to myself, "I will be ok today"...
I made the decision to not let outside forces influence how I would feel...
I watched the parade with my little one, helped in the kitchen, ate some great food, received a phone call from MIL which I returned later (more in a minute), watched my Cowboys win (whoo-hoo), laid with the little one later on until he went to sleep.
My oldest barely came out of his room except for when it was time to eat and I left him alone...
Later on after little one was sleeping I returned the call to my MIL...
She said H had called her that morning to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving then changed the subject to talk about him and his health...(Not once yesterday via text, email nor call did he even acknowledge the day to our boys - Nothing...)
She said they didn't talk very long however she feels he is basically losing his mind...
She believes that something happened when he was in Iraq (2 years ago) that he hasn't faced and that is what started this ball rolling...
Told her I didn't care...
The fact that he couldn't even be bothered to wish his own kids a Happy Thanksgiving speaks volumes to me and I was just about done, that because of the way he keeps treating my boys, I am being pushed to go against my beliefs and may just have to throw in the towel myself because God forbid he grows a set and does what he states he wants ( a divorce)...
Went to bed and slept like crap...
My little one comes in the room this am and hands me the phone says talk to Daddy (thought he was joking about H being on the phone)...
Yep, my son called his Dad at 7am to tell him Happy Thanksgiving because the man couldn't even be bothered.
I took the phone told H sorry little one bothered him and he has the nerve to be chipper and happy with me...
Telling me no problem he can call anytime blah blah blah ends the call with I love you baby WTF-EVER. Hung up and talked to little one once again about calling his Dad...(for the simple fact I never know which jerk is going to answer and why should we have to make all the effort for him to keep his relationship with his boys???)
My niece also talked to him and he was kind enough to tell her and son that he would be home soon after I specifically asked him not to say that unless he means it....
At this point in time, I don't know what I want anymore...
The more I try to 180 and act as if, the more lost I become.
I have to figure out a way to rise above this crap somehow someway...
My thoughts are all jumbled, my emotions are a mess and no matter how many times I tell myself this isn't really him, I still find myself wondering does he really mean this/does he really mean that?
How can I get past the "uniqueness of the situation" syndrome that I feel drowning me?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I heard this on the radio today - Never really listened to the words so I googled it - All I have to say is Damn -
Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober
Don't cry to me. If you loved me, You would be here with me. You want me, Come find me. Make up your mind.
Should I let you fall? Lose it all? So maybe you can remember yourself. Can't keep believing, We're only deceiving ourselves . And I'm sick of the lie, And you're too late.
Don't cry to me. If you loved me, You would be here with me. You want me, Come find me. Make up your mind.
Couldn't take the blame. Sick with shame. Must be exhausting to lose your own game. Selfishly hated, No wonder you're jaded. You can't play the victim this time, And you're too late.
Don't cry to me. If you loved me, You would be here with me. You want me, Come find me. Make up your mind.
You never call me when you're sober. You only want it cause it's over, It's over.
How could I have burned paradise? How could I - you were never mine.
So don't cry to me. If you loved me, You would be here with me. Don't lie to me, Just get your things. I've made up your mind.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Been a slow day at work so I have been really paying attention to what is on the radio (for some unknown reason other then the fact that I am bored lol)and as I was listening to this song I kept thinking damn - I could have said that
Makes you wonder what she was going through when it was written.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I was just catching up on today's posts and saw that Kyries Eleison is part of your sig now. Interesting. I say that prayer from time to time. Remember the song? Can't recall who it was by...
I knew the song - Mr. Mister - But thought all along it was a girls name...
I didn't know until today it was a prayer and thought it was fitting since I am forever saying in my head "Lord, Have Mercy" on just about any sitch I find myself in.
I wasn't able to find the whole prayer though...Just bits and pieces of it.
If it isn't to much trouble can you post it for me?
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
She said they didn't talk very long however she feels he is basically losing his mind...
She believes that something happened when he was in Iraq (2 years ago) that he hasn't faced and that is what started this ball rolling...
Told her I didn't care...
Your anger is blinding you. What happened in Iraq? This is worth exploring.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
