here we go again

[Jstar]

since i did not work today and the holiday i may have an arrangement that will make me feel better about the care of d2. i am just not sure i can trust them, they claim to want to be neutral and i said, if you are the one family member i have left living and there is no one else to support me, you damn well better support me and re spect my wishes of not telling h anything.

then i won't have to see H at my work for the exchange of the d2 in parking lot, have the anxiety and stress each pick up and drop off iwth his mother not taking care of d2.

my d18 will be flying down for the birth unless she changes her mind so i will have her there to support me, help me recover and with other d2 and soon to be S 7 months in womb.

it took me 7 mos to realize he was here, alive and going to be full term of 37 weeks. both docs i see plan on surgery at 37 weeks if his lungs are good. after having a miscarriage less then a year ago i was very doubtful and still scared to death of loosing this baby as well. i have managed to get old car seats out, bouncers and things like that which for me is progress. i talk about him to d2 and all ultrasounds every appointment has been good, please no jinking, still day by day,

still under stress, doc gave another med to help me have less anxiety mood swings and such.

now the to do about H. let him wallow in his self pity. i need to be strong to fully do the lrt and get my crap together, i keep rereading it each time i do i gain more strength but the past 2 days after pick of d2 i couldn't just let his mother have dirty diapers on my girl and fat lip and on and on. each time we had exchange of daughter i was so disgusted and angry with H i could not hold it in. i think the distance of not having to see him will be good for me, give me time to think as well. we won't need to speak or anything.