Wow! Saying you have a lot on your plate is an understatement! Bless your heart, I will pray that God will take care of your health, as well as your dad & uncle. It sounds as if you have faith in God where you health issues are concerned. I admire you for that.
It is horrible how your W is so self-centered! There is no excuse for that. Has she always been entirely focused on herself regardless of what is happening to her loved ones? I am certainly not suggesting that you file for D or anything, but I have always heard that the largest part of healing had to do with one's mental attitude and it is so important that you surround yourself with people who are loving & positive. She isn't. So, enough said there. If there was ever a time to put yourself first, now's the time.
That was more than odd what you said about the friends W & kids staying at your W's and the two women sleeping together. Maybe she has a reason for not wanting you to go out with your friend......you think? Maybe she is concerned he'll tell you too much.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
