Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Okay, so here is how today went. WH came over about 8:15. He had texted me to see if I wanted a coffee drink from Starbucks, but I declined (just was too full).

When he came in, he saw all of the Thanksgiving stuff on the counter as well as apple cider with cinnamon sticks and orange slices on the stove. I told him not to make his breakfast sandwich because we were going to have a Thanksgiving meal today, just the 3 of us. He looked surprised and said "I'll be here tomorrow, too" and I said "I know, but I don't know how many Thanksgivings you'll be going to tomorrow so I thought we could do it today."

He said "That's very sweet." Then looked down at our baby, and kissed him.So I told him the meal plan and started cooking, preparing the brine for the turkey breast and some other stuff.We were making chit chat about this and that.

At one point he asked if I would be making sugar cookies again this year for Christmas and I said of course--am doing all the traditional holiday stuff.

As I played with our baby on the floor, he comes over and AGAIN tells me how good I am at making sure our baby is educated and getting all the right stimulation and growing experiences, etc. I tell him thank you; but I am trying to make the most of it while staying home this year.

Well, I stop to nurse our baby and ask WH to please make the cranberry sauce (he has always done this in the past) and he asked if I wanted help with other stuff so I asked him to also get the mac and cheese going and just keep an eye on the potatoes. He got busy cooking, singing aloud (like he used to), talking to me about our boy, bustling about in the kitchen.

So it comes time to sit down for our meal. WH carves the turkey. We sit at the table with our baby in his highchair and WH feeds him applesauce in between bites of food. WH is very quiet. My gut tells me that it isn't bad that he is quiet. I keep up the conversation, not talking too much about future events other than asking when his mom will see Carter.

WH thanks me for cooking all of this. I said you cooked too, thank you! He remains rather quiet for the rest of the afternoon.

He had purchased some groceries earlier today to beat the crowds. He put them in the fridge in the garage. I went out there and noticed Thanksgiving type food (egg nog, buttermilk, I didn't dig too much more). I know this is for tomorrow with OW. I assumed they would be celebrating it together. It didn't hurt too bad for me see it...I imagine they will go to her mom's house and he will be celebrating Thanksgiving without me or his baby boy, without his family (his sister and mom, etc) without my family. Totally different experience. Her mom knows all about what's going on. What a lovely meal they will have, surely! (ha ha.)

You could argue that I gave him the Thanksgiving meal today so he won't have to miss it, but no, it was not in the same spirit. It was like see what you are missing out on? We could have had a lovely family meal if you would just be a husband again.

So then a couple hours later he put our baby to sleep and got ready to leave. He said goodbye and he would see me in the morning.

My goals for making the meal were to create a compare/contrast situation for him (me and our home versus her and his crazy stupid choice).