Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[Ready2Change]

Thanks for sharing. The more you get out of your head and onto this site the better. We are here to help.

I will give my input on what you can do to improve you R/M. The concepts will appear to be counter-intuitive. Just be open to believing in the wisdom from us.

My husband and I have been married for 17 years.

A long time together needs time to repair the damage. Now will be time for YOU to learn patience and perseverance.

We have one daughter, age 8 and one son who just turned one.

So it is very important that you do "The right thing" and also do "WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILDREN".

THEN in July he went to his 25th class reunion and saw an old girlfriend.. Two weeks later he dropped the bomb "I don't love you anymore."

Someone gave him the courage...sounds like you know who it is.

Since then, we have been to counseling together which has helped to bring lots out into the open

This is great. Is the C Solution focused brief therapy (SFBT)?

I bought and read and re-read the DB book and have applied many of the ideas.

GREAT! Consensus here is DO NOT LET SPOUSE see/read the book or this website. They are your tools.

He has agreed to stay thru the holidays and either he will get an apartment or I told him I may get a different house. I don't think I can stand to stay in our
house with all the memories attached.

He is the one making bad choices. Most believe it is best for LBS to stay in house and set boundaries with WAS.

Last week I told him that I cannot take all of his lies and if he wanted to continue to have constant contact with "her" he had to get out ASAP. He has agreed to end all contact. I'm not sure if he is doing that 100 percent

Set a boundary on transparency also. I recommend reading "Not Just friends."

...the lies hurt worse than the cheating!! Every couple of days he wants to talk about him moving out and he said he wants a divorce

The lies do hurt.

Memorize these words and use them :

"I am sorry you feel that way"
"I understand you feel that way"
"It must be hard to feel that way"
"I just want you to be happy"

HUGS