You sound very calm, clear and strong Bunny. I'm really proud of you.
I do have a comment about this part:
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
Proposed discussion with H:
H, did you put anything into your "secret account" other than the distributions you received from your Dad’s estate? H’s answer. Well, since you already took that out of the joint account, I removed half of the balance of our savings and checking, and put it into my own account.
I wouldn't say anything about money right now, and even in the future, consult with your attorney first. If he has a 'secret' account, I think it is best that you not let him know that you know right now. If he thinks it is a secret, he will keep using it if he tries to do anyting sneaky. If you let him know you are on to him, he will find other ways which may be more difficult to unravel.
Also be cautious about characterizing the money as distributions from his father's estate. Depending on your state's law, the money could be considered co-mingled so you may have some right to it. Even if you don't want part of that money, if it could be considered part yours legally, this gives you a stronger negotiating position.
I suggest that money discussions wait. He will probably be stunned that you are moving out. Just let him absorb that for now.
