trying hard to figure things out

[MichelleLT]

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[twistfigure]

Well today is my parents 31st wedding anniversary and my brother's 5th anniversary and this is the day my husband finally serves me with seperation papers. Even though I need them to get my house it still is taking all I have not to have a nervous breakdown today.

[TrentC]

it still is taking all I have not to have a nervous breakdown today.

Lots of love and support for you right now. Be strong.

[MichelleLT]

Well, that's $h!tty timing!

((((((HUGS))))))

[twistfigure]

We actually spent 15 minutes together when I picked up the papers and 30 mins together when I dropped them back off to him. Things were pleasant. Life is def workign out better for me than him. He's living in a tiny studio flat that barely holds his stuff and he looks like hell. He asked me lots of questions making sure things are okay with the new house and work. Says he isn't ready to totally end things yet and deep down he still loves me but of course he won't say it. Says he doesn't want to give me false hope but who knows what will happen in the future. The whole time I'm thinking WTF???? I feel super guilty because I'm moving on and doing so well but at the same time I worry that everything I am doing is wrong and pushing him farther away. Buying a house is such a huge deal and he seems upset but I tried to reassure him that even though it is a big deal buying a house isn't perminate. It's like he wants space still but wants me to wait on him. GRRRRR!

[MichelleLT]

He's not sure one way or the other. He's not certain enough that it can work to come back. But he still has enough feelings for you that you moving on scares the $h!t out of him, IMHO.

He likes it when things are stable, it gives him time to think.

When you start pulling away, he has to move out of what little comfort zone he has.

[twistfigure]

After an enormous amount of problems and stress I finally closed on my home Friday and moved in Saturday. This is the first time I have ever lived on my own and I am so lonely. I know that's it's going to be good for me in the end but it is hard and scary right now. It's very hard not to contact my H right now so I am going to try to go dark and see what happens. Worst case scenerio is he doesn't contact me then I will know it's really over right.

It's so weird though because it's only been four months and obviously I am not in a position to start dating. Even if I were in a position to I do not want another relationship for a long time. Recently I have been getting hit on left and right and it feels very odd. I have felt so ugly and fat for so long so at first I was like what the F is wrong with these guys. Now it's given me a little confidence and it feels so good. I'm losing weight and I've gone blonde- hey they do have more fun right ??? Well thanks to everyone for your kind words and have a Happy Thanksgiving !

[twistfigure]

OMG!!!! Huge update. Like I said I have tried really hard not to contact the H and haven't spoken to him in a couple of weeks. The last 4 months he has never contacted me and has not spoken to me except when I have IMed or emailed him. Even with the holiday coming up I decided not to send him anything today and then out of the blue he sends this message " Just wanted to say Hi and I hope you have a good Thanksgiving, TTYL" He sent it and then immediately got off IM so I couldn't respond but that's a huge step right ????

[MichelleLT]

CONGRATS ON THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And interesting about the IM! I think that opens the door to respond in kind. Just a quick offline message. Thanks, you too kind of thing.

Interesting that he poked his head out. {insert visual of scared turtle retreating into it's shell )

[twistfigure]

"Interesting that he poked his head out. {insert visual of scared turtle retreating into it's shell )"

That's even more hilarious considering we had turtles together and he took them. I sent a quick note back just saying Thanks and I hope you and your family had a good holiday as well.