Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[January girl]

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. We have one daughter, age 8 and one son who just turned one. We had infertility problems therefore our daughter was conceived with shots and our son was conceived via IVF. Right before we went thru the invitro treatements to have our son my father in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer. So in a matter of months we had to move him,(my MIL is passed) go thru our treatments, and then at 10 weeks we thought I was having a miscarriage. Needless to say life was hectic. We have a family business with my mother, brother and sister-in-law which is also chaotic at times. My husband and I have always gotten along great. He was always a very hands on dad,supportive husband, and (I thought) my best friend. THEN in July he went to his 25th class reunion and saw an old girlfriend. This was one of the only times we didn't go to a function together. He and all his buddies went without the wives. They kissed goodbye which he told me about within a week and I told him "that was ok, forgive yourself, don't have any more contact with her and we will go on." They started emailing, texting and calling and I found out about it in August. Two weeks later he dropped the bomb "I don't love you anymore." Since then, we have been to counseling together which has helped to bring lots out into the open, he has been to see our dr. who diagnosed him with depression. (He is on an antidepressant.)
I bought and read and re-read the DB book and have applied many of the ideas. He has agreed to stay thru the holidays and either he will get an apartment or I told him I may get a different house. I don't think I can stand to stay in our
house with all the memories attached. I have been working on
myself. Going out with friends, doing yardwork and I have dropped 40 pounds. Last week I told him that I cannot take all of his lies and if he wanted to continue to have constant contact with "her" he had to get out ASAP. He has agreed to end all contact. I'm not sure if he is doing that 100 percent or not but he does seem very surly and grochy since then so maybe he has...WHO knows!! I told him the hardest part is all the lies and that I can fogive alot but NO more lying. He does admit that he is having a midlife crisis. Also, like a lot of posts I have read he has moments when he seems like his old self again. What I don't get is this: he told me that he still finds me very attractive, that we still laugh about a lot (and we are more intimate than we have been since we were on our honeymoon.) But she is his
"true love and soulmate." I am just so sad on the inside even when I smile on the outside. But I do feel like he is home sleeping in his own bed every night and of course he swears that they haven't "been together" which I have taken with a grain of salt. Honestly, the lies hurt worse than the cheating!! Every couple of days he wants to talk about him moving out and he said he wants a divorce. I just need some kind words to carry me thru. Any thoughts??

M-43
H-43
D-8
S-1
Together 20 years
Married 17 years
Bomb July 08