"Stuck, you yourself have another woman in the wings that you have been spending time with should your current M ultimately fail. Ask yourself if you have truly detached because you are fine being alone the rest of your life, or if this other lady has helped in the process of you detaching from your W and giving you hope with someone else."
Okay let's just get something straight. I wasn't hoping to get someone else. As a matter of fact, I really liked my independence and freedom. I didn't care if I found someone or not. I just knew in the end, I'd be okay with OR WITHOUT someone. Once I gave it up to God I just went with the flow.
Lo and behold, someone came along. I didn't plan for it, and quite frankly I didn't want to deal with any more drama. Could I live without my friend right now? Sure. Could I drop her if I wanted to and not feel emotionally attached as I did with my W. Definitely. Do I need my W? That's a big no.
You are the biggest co-dependent person I have ever seen on these boards.
Both you and I received the same advice from 25mlc and others about detachment and taking care of yourself. However, you want to stay convinced that you NEED SOMEONE to make you happy whereas I learned you don't.
If you really NEED someone to make you happy then go ahead. I know about your history with your mom and maybe a BIG part of you needs that comforting mom figure. I don't know.
If you really NEED someone go ahead and find someone already. Go ahead and sleep around. It's your perogative. But don't go on and make crass assumptions about the "majority" of people you've seen on here when they find someone else.
When we find someone else, it's just a consequence. We didn't choose to leave our original relationships. They were taken away. So what do you do? Stay stagnant and treading water while the other person moves on? Of course not. You LIVE. Whether that includes going out with someone or not, you make that choice.
No one chose to leave their R and just the fact that we're here shows that we are committed to the original M. Don't speak for the rest of us here because you haven't understood or reached that point yet.
For God's sake man go out and get laid like SM says and find hot attractive women to go out with if it makes you happy. I think that's the ONLY thing that's going to make you happy. You are just looking to us for validation to do so. Then in a few months when that woman you're seeing gets tired of taking care of a codependent child in a man's body, you're going to end up in the exact same position you are in now.
It's weak and immature. Grow up and grow a pair.
That's my 2x4 for the day.
Happy Thanksgiving.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
IMHO, I think its much healthier to detach on your own...without the crutch of someone else. Build yourself up. This year and a half has taught me just that. I DON'T NEED A MAN to be happy. Sure, I get lonly and who wouldn't love a companion? But I am not going to die tomorrow if I don't.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
For God's sake man go out and get laid like SM says and find hot attractive women to go out with if it makes you happy. I think that's the ONLY thing that's going to make you happy.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Yes, I had girl friends before my W. I broke up with most of them. I wasn't ready to be tied down to them when I broke up with them. I also had a few that broke up with me. I enjoyed playing the field when I was younger.
I had fun with them. I enjoyed them. But I wasn't serious about a relationship with them. I usually just went out with them for fun and to get laid now and then. I spent more time with my friends than I did pursuing a relationship. The couple that broke up with me, I will admit that I did become attached to. But the others that I did not become attached to and just had a girl friends for fun, I ended up breaking up with them.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
What? I hope u weren't foolish enough to ask her about hooking up? When did she say this?
Seriously!?! Do u have any self respect for yourself or not. Why would u possibly want to sleep w that harlot anyway?
I agree w Stuck. Man up Dawg. Enough of this teenage $hit!!!
This was early on during the process PMA. She said it a couple of times a few months into it.
I don't consider my W a harlot even though in times of extreme frusturation I have blurted out things I wish I hadn't. She is just living a different lifestyle right now.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
This was early on during the process PMA. She said it a couple of times a few months into it.
I don't consider my W a harlot even though in times of extreme frusturation I have blurted out things I wish I hadn't. She is just living a different lifestyle right now. Kevin
In that case, why even mention it. The past is the past. Live in the present.
