Does the WAS change quickly? Normally, it takes years for them to get to the point where they start the affair (often years of poor communication with their spouse, and inadequate attention to their own needs and issues). Then it takes 18 months to 2 years for them to realize that their relationship with the OW is not a cure-all, and many months more to "withdraw" from her and deal with their issues. Even if they do return to the marriage, it's generally 2 years before that marriage is stable again. So, no, it's not a quick process, but then quick changes are rarely lasting, are they? Building up a genuine friendship and good communication is the key at this point.
I read a great book, "I Do Again" about a WAW who entered an EA, pushed through a D on a supportive and unsuspecting husband, kept up the PA with the OW for two years after the D before figuring out she did love her Ex. She tried to get back but he was having none of it. It took another five years before he'd fully trust her and they remarried.
It gave me great insight into how a spouse can start to think they "never really loved you."
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
