Personally, my experience is all with MLC, not with a straightforward affair, which is what I assume your H is having at 33.
Is what you are doing working? It's impossible to tell by what your spouse does, because he is acting out of all sorts of contradictory impulses: guilt, confusion, fog (which is a sort of self-brainwashing which justifies everything), blaming the spouse, flashbacks to happier memories. Also, he's mostly thinking with his adolescent rather than his mature brain. Once he'd recommitted to our M, my H admitted that the times he felt happiest (and therefore treated me the best) were when he thought he'd found a way to keep both his EA and wife in his life.
What you're doing is working if you can detach yourself from his drama, keeping an equilibrium in your life regardless of what he does/doesn't do--if you can feel proud of how you handled yourself after every interaction with him, and know that, whether he recommits to you or not, you will be happy with your life.
Does the WAS change quickly? Normally, it takes years for them to get to the point where they start the affair (often years of poor communication with their spouse, and inadequate attention to their own needs and issues). Then it takes 18 months to 2 years for them to realize that their relationship with the OW is not a cure-all, and many months more to "withdraw" from her and deal with their issues. Even if they do return to the marriage, it's generally 2 years before that marriage is stable again. So, no, it's not a quick process, but then quick changes are rarely lasting, are they? Building up a genuine friendship and good communication is the key at this point.
There is definitely a script involved as they enter, conduct and justify their affairs, but not so much, I think, as they come out again, because at that point they become pained individuals again, rather than script-reading aliens.
