Here is a good hijack for everyone...Thinker, Coach listen to this.
I get a text from my wife last night that she had to go show a house. She took our 3 sons with her. It was Tony's uncle. Who is Tony you ask if you have forgotten:
-Wife admitted an emotional affair with him -Wife said he professed his love for her -Wife said in a text I love you, I loved you for 20 years(but wait she said that she meant to add as friends) -When I called him and said to leave us alone, he said F'off. Not defended by wife -Wife texted Tony at one point, I hate him, he responded "kick him out"
Not less than a week ago in counseling, she said I understand what I did was an emotional affair and how it hurt you.
One week later----
So now she goes over to his place, the kids and her hang out with him for an hour. His sister then babysits my kids why they go look at houses. Then they all go out to eat together.
She also had my sons try to lie about that they really weren't there that long.
Well, for me. That is all I can take. That was the ultimate insult. She has to be the ugliest person inside to actually do that to me. I told her as much last night. And a few other choice words. Her response was I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be that big of deal.
This is the ultimate lack of respect for the father of her children. I am out. I am done. I am filing....
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
Your w is deep in the emotional fog of her A. Your sitch is where mine was 10 months ago. I am not an expert here, but I recommend following the advice of Puppy Dog Tails and Gucci Loafer.
Seek them out.
It comes down to:
- Expose the A - Set strong boundries - Tough Love
I feel for you. I know what your situation feels like.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I do empathize as well - I have been in the same place and it sucks (frankly).
I tried setting boundaries which she violated in secret (until I caught her again) but I couldn't force her to leave, but at the same time I didn't want to file for D. Now I am there I think. I kept thinking she would wake up but she never did. Hopefully your situation turns out 'better' than mine did, but I am starting to feel like I am on solid ground now with myself and ready to look towards a new future without her.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
It is still amazing to me that all of us sit here on this website and have so simliar of stories. How does it get to this point? How did we choose a wife so poorly?
I told my wife last night that she is ugly inside. She has no idea how this guy makes me feel. Yet she made a choice to do this. Not only with him, but to involve my sons. I felt like they were eating with the devil last night. She can't understand the anger a guy has when this is done to them. All I got was a sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. She has finally broke me to the core. I told her that I didn't have anymore feelings for her. This comes 4 days after our last couseling session where she said she now understands how an emotional affair can hurt me and that she won't doing anything else to cause an uproar in our house.
I took a picture of us on our second honeymoon, tore it up and left in her car. It just means I am emotionally done with her. She took every last ounce of hope I had and flushed it down the toilet. That picture hanging in our family room always reminded me of one of the happiest times in our lives. I thought there still maybe hope everytime I looked at that picture. Her actions yesterday showed me there is no respect, compassion, understanding at all. This just sucks and I ready to move forward to divorce.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
It is still amazing to me that all of us sit here on this website and have so simliar of stories. How does it get to this point? How did we choose a wife so poorly?
Whoa! What? First - how did it get to this point? Then - how did we choose so badly?
Think that through.
You CHOSE her. Did you know this would happen? No and if you did, you would have chosen differently or done something else differently? Which one?
Do you think we WAW line up on the aisle thinking "...and one day, I'm going to be so lonely and empty, unloved and invisible that I will find another man to have an EA with and blast this marriage to bits. I will devastate my children and disappoint my parents. But most of all, I'm going to shatter that man at the end of the aisle. I do!"
d1 ~~~ you didn't choose badly. Both of you EXECUTED on your R badly for it to get to this point.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
It is still amazing to me that all of us sit here on this website and have so simliar of stories. How does it get to this point? How did we choose a wife so poorly?
Whoa! What? First - how did it get to this point? Then - how did we choose so badly?
Think that through.
You CHOSE her. Did you know this would happen? No and if you did, you would have chosen differently or done something else differently? Which one?
Do you think we WAW line up on the aisle thinking "...and one day, I'm going to be so lonely and empty, unloved and invisible that I will find another man to have an EA with and blast this marriage to bits. I will devastate my children and disappoint my parents. But most of all, I'm going to shatter that man at the end of the aisle. I do!"
d1 ~~~ you didn't choose badly. Both of you EXECUTED on your R badly for it to get to this point.
Greek
...OK, I just deleted my response because you said it better than I could.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I understand the emotions behind ripping up the picture, but I promise you that came across as pursuit, desperation and immaturity to her. If you have read DB/DR, go back and re-read it. If not, read it now.
I understand the emotions behind ripping up the picture, but I promise you that came across as pursuit, desperation and immaturity to her.
It's almost a truism: if you feel like doing something due to an emotional reaction -- especially if it's anger, sorrow, or fear -- it is almost certainly a bad idea, as far as DB'ing goes.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I suppose you are right. I'm not sure desperation, but definitely immaturity. I will give you that. You just resort to all sorts of silly ways when you get hurt like that.
I can't say that I am DB'ing anymore. I am no longer pursuing. I just want her to know I have reached the end of my rope. I no longer think there is hope of reconciliation.
There was a line and she finally crossed. My words never have gotten through to her, so I try actions. I guess--indifference will have to do it for now...
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
Indifference is something that happens, not something you "do."
I think your best bet is showing her, through actions, you are moving on with your life. Not giving up on your M (unless you are there, really there). And the not giving up on your M is something you keep to yourself.
Go back and review what DB/DR has to say about getting busy with your life.
