ssmguy - To describe some of my husband's alpha male behaviors, I will focus on the sexy part of those behaviors. There are lots of things that make up the total picture of the alpha male in the NMMNG book, things like having male friends and doing things with them regularly, taking responsibility for your own actions and leading your family on most matters, etc. But I'm going to skip those and go straight to the sexy parts, as those are the ones I was asking you about.
So to describe my husband's sexy alpha behaviors, I'll start with his attitude that he could take sex or leave it. He is not controlled by his own sex drive. It is a large part of him, but it doesn't control him. He USES his sexuality and sex drive as a tool - but the tool does not use him. When a man has the attitude that he could take sex or leave it, it doesn't mean he doesn't want sex. It means that there are more important things in life, and that he is confident that he will get sex when HE wants it. He knows within himself that he doesn't have to beg for sex, and he would never do so.
Now, you may think that the attitude I'm describing about my husband is only present in him because I offer him sex all the time. But that isn't the case. He had the same attitude about sex when I met him, and he had not been dating for about 3 years at that time. He may have had booty-call girls and may have been getting sex somehow, but not within a relationship or even dating. Yet he STILL had the attitude that sex is not the most important thing in life, that it will be available to him when he wants it, and that it is not a SCARCITY.
This attitude makes him highly sexy. It means that he will not be groveling around or chasing anyone for sex, which tells a woman that he is in control of himself. And as it happens, women do actually throw themselves at him, just based on his attitude.
He doesn't SAY things outloud about being in control of his sexuality, he has never said the things above directly in the way I said them in this post. Instead, he just exudes the confidence I am describing and he does NOT exhibit behaviors of a man who is chasing sex. A man who feels sex is a scarcity for him will comment about it all the time as if he has no control over this injustice, so his insecurity about sex comes out of him and its obvious to women. Most women will find this a turn off, while she will find a man who seems to not "need" sex a turn ON.
Now having said all of that, when he DOES want sex or just to behave sexually with me, what he does is he just takes what he wants. He doesn't ask me. He doesn't wait for me to start it up. He doesn't even get my permission. He just takes it.
So how this might look on any given day is this: We are done with dinner and with the dishes, we are both headed toward doing our own thing and pass each other in the hallway. Suddenly he will pin me up against the wall, rip my shirt and bra up and grope my breasts while kissing me deeply. He will then leave me breathless and go on about his business. I barely even have time to realize what has just happened.
If all he wanted was the grope, he just goes for it. He doesn't then make more moves toward sex. The grope is all he wants sometimes.
If he also wants to move forward to sex, OR if the groping turns him on and he then wants sex, he will then also begin mashing me up against the wall with his groin and will start touching my body all over...if I don't catch his clue that this is sex initiation, then of course he'll just tell me and we can discuss it, but usually I get the gist, and we end up rolling into the bedroom while groping and grabbing and throwing clothes off.
Now again, you are likely going to say "but my wife would never allow that".
See why this is not an alpha male response? Because you have given your wife power and control over your sexuality by saying she would never "allow" that. If your attitude exudes the fact that you are in control over your own sexuality, it will turn your wife ON. If your attitude exudes the fact that she is in total control of all the sex, it will turn her OFF.
I'm not suggesting you try the above example. I'm just telling you how it looks in my relationship. And of course, it looks this way because of HIS attitude about himself. His attitude about me is also a turnon: I'm HIS, he OWNS me and my body, he pays attention to me everyday and makes sure no one else is in my mind or heart, he loves the way I look, dress, and feel, and most importantly, he loves it that I look up to him and want him to lead our family. It turns me on to be able to depend on him, count on him, know that he is leading us and not myself.
I hope any of this helps. It may not, but I hope it does. I am happy to answer more questions if it doesn't.
