WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

Thanks Sad Girl - you do the same.

A turning point for me in the past few weeks was related to how I changed my view on the issue of TRUST.

I obviously don't trust my W especially given that I have caught her lying several times when I tried to enforce OM-related boundaries.

I kept thinking if I asked her what she was doing, looking at her phone records in secret, etc etc I would find reasons to trust her. I found the opposite in some cases, and confronted her about it.

However, I realized that even if I found NOTHING, I would never TRUST her unless SHE WANTED me to trust her. You can't go through life with someone you don't trust.

Snooping, asking questions, checking up on her, etc. won't allow me to trust her when she has stated that she doesn't want to stay M to me and wants to leave. It is a fruitless exercise/cheeseless tunnel.

Once I accepted this a couple of weeks ago, I realized that anything I was doing focused on her (Especially as it relates to OM) is a waste of energy. I will never trust her until she decides she wants that.

Right now she doesn't care because she doesn't want to be M to me anymore.

So, I give up. I have always been solid on the fact that I don't want THIS M anymore, but there are no signs of change so I am ready to move on.

Maybe the secret to my movement on all this is that I have gotten tot he point where I don't care what she is doing, so TRUST is irrelevant. At the same time I also came to this realization that I can't build trust in her on my own and am tired of trying - SHE has to decide she wants to be trusted and I can't force that, so I give up.