You're doing very well. You know, there is an upside to being the spouse of a person in MLC--that in the end we won't need to have an MLC of our own because we've become stronger, wiser, more compassionate ... we've grown up completely. During my H's MLC I was where you are, trying to defend myself against my H's unreasonable accusations, my inner child bawling unconsolably. Finally I made the decision to just stop--instead of defending myself, I'd get up from the table to "get something," or go to the laundry-room (where I kept lots of laundry ready to fold whenever necessary--or I'd just close the door and read magazines.) After a while, he started coming to find me, and I'd just be breezy and unconcerned.
The great thing is that now, when someone says something "unfair" about me or to me, I might feel a momentary twinge, but I know how to let it go. I know the difference between a valid criticism of me that I need to work on and one that's just about the critic and his issues, and I don't take it personally. So, even though it's very hard and unfair right now, rest assured, all this is giving you the skills to be a far stronger and more mature person.
A great book about how to learn to "hold onto yourself" is Passionate Marriage, by David Schnarch--it's not the easiest read, but the best explanation of what being fully mature and alive looks like.
