You could tell her to hire a babysitter if she feels she needs them to have "someone" there. You have a life and you have plans that were made based on a schedule end of story. I know it would be bothering me too.
Hang in there and Happy Thanksgiving.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I agree, tell her to hire a sitter. Or to bring the girls with her and S10. She could actually be making it a fun trip for them, if she wasn't so hell-bent on dumping on you. Seems like you may need to point out a variation of the prior quote about lack of planning and emergencies...
If I was one of the 17 or 19 year olds, I would be insulted that it was thought that I needed a sitter.
The 19 year old is a college student. The 17 year old is months away from being one.
Sounds like she doesn't realize that children/people rise to what is expected of them...
frank!!!!! Where have you been? Sure, I could have a family friend check on them, but this is STBX's duty. They are with her. Have a good Thanksgiving. How are things with you?
You two obviously have different ideas of what is age appropriate for the girls.
At 17, I had graduated high school and gone away to college. Obviously I didn't need a baby sitter. And if my parents had suggested that I couldn't be home alone I would have laughed since I was living on my own and paying for college mostly by myself.
Some people are more mature than others though, so that should be taken into consideration.
XW cancels her plans to take them because she believes them incapable of taking responsibility for themselves. She also likes being the martyr I think. The fact that she believes she has to do this because you won't cancel plans to be with them just increases her resentment of you and solidifies her belief that you are not a cautious enough or involved enough parent. It's a viscous cycle.
But having someone check on them, taking them with, or even calling regularly to check on them are all viable options that should be calmly suggested IMHO.
Don't let this get to you. It's the same old, same old. Not worth getting worked up over.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
frank!!!!! Where have you been? Sure, I could have a family friend check on them, but this is STBX's duty. They are with her. Have a good Thanksgiving. How are things with you?
Should be divorced in 2-3 weeks. Other than that I'm fine. Doing my best to stop dwelling on the XW's actions and move forward.
Considering your daughters' track records.. stealing, acting out.. etc. I can see why your divorcing spouse doesn't want them at home without adult supervision. Went you went away, didn't one of your daughter's throw a party at your place?
It's perfectly reasonable for them to go with their mom or stay at a friend's house. Heck.. that's part of single parenting.
You have plans, commitments set well in advance. Define your boundaries without rancor and go from there. You can't control what your divorcing spouse says. Just know what you do is based on what is right, not righteous.
AS you recall, I told STBXW that I would not be able to take D19 and D17 while she took S11 to a hockey tournament. I was available, but would not take them based on "setting boundaries"
She would not leave "No" alone, as you recall, and sent an email saying "I will have to tell S11 that he can't go to the tournament, because his father won't help" She won't leave D19 and D17 home alone, because they ARE untrustworty. I got it.
What a M.F............WHO DOES THAT!!!! I sent it to my lawyer and let it go.
Where to begin.......Around 6PM last night S11 called and said "Mom and I only need to stay on Friday night, so can the girls stay with you?" I told him that I would discuss it with his mother, not him. How did he know ANY of this!!!!
About 20 minutes later, I get two texts from him asking me the same thing.
Then he calls AGAIN!!! I told him I would not speak about it with him.
2 minutes later, STBXW's name comes up on the phone. GAME ON, HERE WE GO!!!!
She begins in her best sing-songy voice: "Hiiii! I've got S11 here and he's hysterical because you won't tell him whether or not you can take the girls" I can hear him. He's beyond sad, because NOW he thinks he can't go to the tournament.
I said to STBXW: "How dare you do this! How dare you manipulate the kids to get your way! I already told you NO. Let it go"
She responds: "I CANNOT leave the girls alone and S11 can't go if I need to stay home", all within ear shot of S11.
I NOW FEEL HORRIBLE FOR MY LITTLE GUY, WHO'S BIT&H OF A MOTHER IS OPENLY MANIPULATING THE SITUATION. I feel like I have an AK-47 pointed at my temple!
What happened next, is that I guess I just reacted out of gut instinct for him. I can't win. All of my kids have already been so manipulated.
I said to STBXW: "The girls don't have transportation" She responded "I'll drop them off". I said "Not good enough. They both work on Saturday, and I'm not driving them. I want them to have a car"
As those of you know who have followed my thread, STBX's marrried boss and her were doing the horizonatal bop while I was in Iraq. He leased a Jeep for D17, which STBX will NEVER allow either girl to use to help me out in the slightest, including driving to my place.
I figured if I'm going, I'm going to draw blood. STBX responded "You mean the vehicle that you're taking me to court over?"
I responded "If you mean the Jeep that the guy you were having sex with when I was in Iraq leased for my daughter without permission, thats the one"
Silence. "I responded "You did say you wanted to compromise....right?
Well, the girls will stay with me Friday night, with "The Jeep"
I FEEL HORRIBLE!!!! I FEEL LIKE A GUN WAS PUT TO MY HEAD BY A SICK, MANIPULATIVE WOMAN. I FEEL LIKE I JUST REINFORCED HER RIDICULOUS BULLDOZER MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR.
All I could think of was my little guy not being able to go to hockey. It killed me. You all know how I feel about him!
Of course, Gym Woman is furious with the situation too. She also said, "Well, it looks like she won again. She just won't go away. You never know when she'll just pop up again!"
She has been great. She told me "I'd be devasated if we weren't together", but how much can she take before she says "F..it!"
I go to the "Special Masters" on 4 December. How much do you want to bet that STBX manages to derail that too!!!!!
For someone who SO desperately wanted a divorce she JUST WON'T GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
