I saw your wife test you - raise her voice, get emotional. You held your ground, then she honored you request. Then she probally felt relieved that this is being handled by you. She will probably test you again on the boundaries, hold your ground then I bet she jumps your bones.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
- Don't make promises you are not sure of right now. You are by your own admission emotionally affected by the whole sitch. You WILL want to talk about the A. You will probably be hurt, resentful, and angry at times. That's human. She could interpret that as throwing it in her face if it does happen.
- Don't expect complete honesty and transparency, and don't expect to get all the details, not right now for sure. I don't think it works that way.
- Don't be surprised if she swings from clinging/ ashamed to resentful / aggressive when the OM-withdrawal hits at times. Oh, and while it's great to see your own faults that led to this, don't be harder on yourself than what the facts are. WASes have a tendency to re-write history to justify their actions (which is unjustifiable unless there is abuse or special circumstances). Leave the demonising to her, she'll do a good enough job on her own. I would say however, that "involuntary" is probably the wrong word. "unconscious" might be more accurate - you have to take responsibility for your own past choices too.
... and yeah guess it's worth just that couple of pennies . Keep doing good!
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Thanks Deep, and Coach. Appreciate the guidance. I take responsibility for my actions/inactions. Not hers. I let her know that I am not ready to forgive...yet. It needs to be sincere and real. I need to gather my thoughts. She tried to jump my bones last night. I just held her all night, and told her I love her, not what she can do for me at the moment. I just wasn’t ready. Make up sex is for after an argument, not something this deep. Making love with my wife is much deeper than just mechanical sex. And that’s all it would have been if I complied. Right, wrong or indifferent, that’s how I feel right now. I'm not withholding or punishing, but I think it would only Cheap'n the gravity of the circumstances. or to coin a phrase, put lipstick on a pig.
Oblivious Me / W 47 EA 07/09 to ? PA ? M 13 Years
marriage is the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery. GEORGE WASHINGTON, May 23, 1785
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
. Keep doing good!