That's hard one, awest. Although it does sound like it, only H knows what's going on in H's head. I'd agree that if he really has changed then it is worth it to give him another chance with, like you said, boundaries. He's gonna have to make up alot to you to get you to be able to trust him again & is he willing to do that? I don't know. But we are here to work on ourselves (which you're doing) and to save and develop better M's and that's always a gamble. No one deserves to be disrespected and be on the buffet line, but on the other hand, people can change. Just try to continue to judge H's temperature. The first stage is to draw H back to a point where he is actually willing to work on the M again (which he seems to be on the right direction with that) and the next will be to slowly repair your M (maybe at the beginning stages of this?) I don't think it's a bad thing to start preparing for the next stage, but just don't let it consume you. But I agree with you that it is important to figure out what you want from H and your M, so that you don't just "settle" (like last time where you allowed H to come home while still with OW. I know you've learned from that, but just as an example). And just continue to look for signs of progress.
Have a great Thanksgiving tomorrow!
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
