I'm caught up and I'm going to send you and Ali a FB message later today for more insight on me....
...but this thread is about YOU, my dear Sunshine, and I've read a lot and have several ideas of my own.
First, one thing that is critical for you to understand is that your H feels very, very inadequate. If you read HTIYMWTAI, you'll see that men feel like failure when they can't make their ladies happy.
Thus, every time you bring up things w/him or get mad, he retreats to his personal "man cave" - or work for him - and hides. He is DEATHLY afraid of letting you down. What is the answer? I'm not sure, but if you can understand that he (like all men are programmed to do) is going to recoil or get defensive if he feels like he's let his lady down in any way then maybe you can put yourself in his shoes when these subjects come up.
As for the lack of intimacy, I'm sure he'd like to, but again, he seems like he's frozen and in my humble opinion, he's frozen by fear. Fear of what exactly, I'm not sure, but he could be afraid of not satisfying you, or of all the guilt rushing back into his head or whatever, but his fear is there and it is very, very real.
So, what do you do? Forrest has said for a long time that you need to "LEAD" and you need to do that sexually as well. You've received great instructions from Gypsy and I'm going to try them myself in my sitch....
...look at him when you talk w/him and think about kissing him, holding him, giving him a bj (that's in there for us men), making love to him. Let the thoughts wash over you and see how they feel. If they are good, then let him see it in your eyes what you are thinking.
From there, you will need to initiate sex and more than just hints may be what the doctor ordered. This may call for your grabbing ol' Willy Wonka and starting the process yourself. Once a man's engine is running, it is really, really hard (no pun intended) to shut it off.
If you get to this point, make him work a little bit for it and tell him what you want - LEAD! Get him worked up and going crazy wanting to seduce you. You turn the passion on for him by teasing, getting him to the point where he wants to jump your bones and making him back off. Tease, give in, tease some more, give in, back off, then let him go for it.
Meanwhile, you are getting what you want b/c you are DEMANDING yourself to be pleasured by him via foreplay before he can "finish the job" for himself.
My sex talk for the day is simply you take the lead, you control the speed, you work him up, you get what you want sexually, THEN you let him blow his cork.
Have fun with this, but make him feel like a wanted commodity and I'm pretty sure he'll like to be "led around the bed" by you. I think Forrest is really correct in telling you to lead, especially w/the sex thing.
You need to be very, very aggressive, as well as very, very assertive as to what you want. Do that and you'll get it.
My thoughts on the subject... use as needed or disregard completely.
