Today I finally get the papers. My wife and I are meeting tonight to go over division of assets and then she will give me the papers to sign.
I don't want this to get drawn out tonight. I want it to be quick and plan to be very "professional" in my demeanor. I want to enjoy my last night away from the kids by getting this over with and then having a few drinks with some friends.
Tomorrow I go back to our new home for the last time. I will be there until next Wed, then I will leave for good.
This Friday I am moving furniture to our old house, which is now my new house (that gets confusing). I'm actually getting more and more okay with this. I sure wish we could fix this, and we really could if we both wanted to, but she doesn't. She keeps telling me I need to move on but there are other times when she gets very emotional, cries and says things that make me wonder.
Last Sunday I got an angry email from her after church. I called her, because I had really had enough. She accused me of "going home with a differnt woman every night" which is completly untrue! She is mad at me for GALing. She was sobbing when she said "why didn't you do the things you are doing now years ago who I wanted you to, when I wanted to save our marriage?" I told her I wished I had, but I am now. She was refering to counseling, etc...
I don't know. I know she sees my changes; but she has made her decision and I really think she feels like there is no way to turn back even if she wanted to.
Her email and emotional call on Sunday were prompted by the real estate agent coming to take pictures of our new home so it could be sold to someone else. She said it like that too "they are taking pictures of our house so it can be someone elses home", sobbing as she said it. I told her that it doesn't have to be like that, nothing has been done that can't be undone (listing the house, filing, etc...) she got upset and said "NO, I don't want to be married anymore!"
She hasn't started counseling yet. I hope she does this week.
Thanksgiving will be okay. I am on my own with no plans to go anywhere. But I will be at home and can start packing my things, watch football and make a pizza. Then I get the kids later in the day and can hang out with them in the evening.
While I am more comfortable being away from my wife now, and look forward to having "my own place". I am very sad my marriage is ending. I don't see much hope anymore and that is too bad. We had it all and it is going to be gone.
All I know is that my wife is making a mistake. I don't blame her, I have put myself in her shoes and I can't say I wouldn't be doing the same thing; but I do know that she has made me a better man for somone else. Her hardwork is going to pay off, but not for her. That is too bad.
I meet with my IC today, which I am looking forward to.
