Hey V1, sorry, I'm slow on the uptake today and getting back to you. It's been a busy day and I'm kind of "off" on the deep thought processes. LOL.
I saw you're in the alt. Look me up, I use the same name as on here. As for my sitch, I'm still with my wife but its been a long, complicated road. Decisions have to be made. As for my own thread. LOL. I've been avoiding it like the plague because I don't know where to begin and to be honest it's so much easier to respond to other people's threads than start my own.
It's on my list of things to do (when I get my nose out of others business...)
BTW, if you look me up, the first name is taken to the max.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
About 2 years ago I was WAH. No affair. I was 'done'. W was unaware of the crisis and I never told anyone what I was going through. Today is the first time this knowledge has ever been 'exposed'. Used the excuse of looking for a job outside the country to justify.
Away for total 4 months while I sorted out my crap. Took me 7 weeks to realize how much I loved my W. Brought her over and spent 6 wonderful weeks on a 'second honeymoon' in the mid-period.
About 6 months ago W declares she wants space. If I push her she is done and wants out.
Panicked, begged, pleaded etc until I clicked.
Hurt like hell. Went dark. Let go. Licked my wounds.
'found myself' and started planning strategies and tactics on winning her back (difficult to do when you're 1000's of miles away)
Moved back home (five weeks now) to the ice-queen.
Trickle feeding in my 180's so as not to scare the cat.
My tactics are beginning to thaw through the ice.
I've never been denied access to the marital bed but have been denied intimacy. I've made many mistakes in my M, but so has she. Right now I'm detached enough to look at things objectively and working through 'communicating'.
I got that, 'So you're back. Nothing's changed. I still want out' speech. I haven't let it phase me. It's a constant battle. I don't look for 'signs' of improvement and try not to read her mind. So, what am I doing? Pushing her jealousy buttons discreetly. Working on her LL's. I think she is starting to see the man she fell in love but I don't read too much into it.
However, as time goes by I'm starting to question my own needs and reflecting on my wants. I'm building myself into a position of 'power' so I can make a rational decision and not an emotional one. I'm pretty well versed in 'girl-fu' and have a pretty good idea of what works and doesn't with women. Not to say that I don't screw up... because I do. I have passive-aggressive tendencies and need to constantly keep myself in check because they don't work in my sitch.
Like I said, it's complicated. There are a lot of details I've skipped.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Thank you so much for sharing your story. In my own marriage I was depressed for the last couple years but did not know why. I was in a sexless marriage and I knew I could not cheat so I just learned to accept it. We only ML about 1 or 2 times every 3 months and the longest stretch was 1.5 years during and after our last pregnancy. I just thought that she was low drive and that was ok because I loved her and I was in it for the long haul. I did not bother to think that maybe she didnt what to ML to me because I was not respected by her.Now I know that is probably the biggest reason.
She has a chest cold right now and is going to the doctor today. So, last night I sent a text that read, "I hope you feel better soon." and she sent back "thanks!" Should I ask how the doctor visit went? Or is that too much talk in too short a time?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Uhh, my lawyer has already slowed it down as much as possible and the last time we met she said, " I know you dont want a divorce but it is coming." I already knew it too. The only way it will get postponed is if the courts delay it for whatevver reason.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Money is very short for me but mainly I try to plan things to do on my weekends off with friends. I often go to friends houses during the week too. I need to focus on making more money so I have been looking at new jobs and ways to build my business.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
