Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Journaling:

The anger and sniping continue. Today I did respond by getting angry and leaving for work early this morning to a snipe by H the "we always do what you want". Before I left, H asked "Are you angry" and I said "yes"..he said.."Oh, the comment about 'I'm leaving' and your storming off should have clued me in."

I just called him and said a simple "I'm sorry I left angry". I don't want him using my repsonse as fuel for continuing to hold me accountable for all of his unhappiness.

He didn't apologize or take repsonsibility for his part..and I'm not surprised. I think more and more his behavior seems very juvenile and that is where he is stuck.

Last night he said because I wasn't direct in the motivation for something I said, that I wasn't being honest and there was no justification for that...I am honest and I know that. That H focused on this communication difference between us and called it dishonest seems to be the hill that can't be surmounted.

So my child within is feeling attacked constantly. I can't defend myself and that drives me crazy sometimes. Having a hard time remaining 'like teflon' through all of this.

More often that not I wish H would just leave. He feels toxic to me right now. I feel like I'm a slave to keeping everything going with one wrong move I am verbally attacked, or any affection is withheld...
I have to say this part of the journey sucks royally.