Do you remember the story about the old lady and the african violets?
No.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I think that you have to get to a point where you can be happy without someone because nobody knows what the future holds. However, in saying that, lets be honest.
Let the passive-aggressive wankery begin!
Originally Posted By: K4D
Most people that claim they are happy with themselves and have "detached" and are able to move on, do so because they have created the thought and image of someone else in their life, thereby still putting their happiness in the hope of someone else. They detached from their current relationship/M only because of a happy thought of someone else filling in their needs that they can't get met in their M anymore. I see it way to often on this site by people claiming they have detached and are happy with themselves and it is really a fasad. They have just transferred their happiness to another person or the thought of another person.
I had to read this three times to make sure that I understood what I was looking at.
I'm with stuck: with this one statement, you've insulted not only everyone who has spent months trying to help you in spite of yourself, but everyone here who is trying their damnedest to deal with one of the most difficult, emotionally draining events in their lives.
Just because you can't detach, you've convinced yourself that no one else "really" detaches, either. After all, it's easier to pretend that everyone is as flawed as you than to accept that maybe you can't hack it, that this is too much work for you.
You seem to have all of the answers, Kevin, so I guess our work here is done. Best of luck to you.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
When you can tell me that you truly don't care if anyone else ever enters into your life again and you will be completely happy and fulfilled, then you have truly detached. I don't buy that most people can truly say that and mean it. But I also admit that I don't know what percentage that is either.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
It is natural to want someone else in your life. Most people feel that desire. For most I am not sure it completely goes away. People need someone for the most part. Most people don't want to live the rest of their life alone. One of the greatest fears of most people is being alone for the rest of their life. There are plenty of reports to validate that.
I stand by what I said.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Also, most people who are alone wish they had someone. I fail to see why that is such an ignorant statement. There is a need, desire, want, etc for most people to have someone in their life.
Call it what you want.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, I am simply shocked that you had the audacity to write and post what you did. People, myself included, have worked harder than they have ever worked to detach and become emotionally stable and healthy and HAPPY without the aid of somebody else in the form of a intimate/romantic R - either in the real sense or simply the ideal of one. And, FWIW, many of us have done so under far dire circumstances than you can even begin to imagine and I hope you never have to. While you worry about the stupid BS that you do some of us get up each day and wonder if today will be the day our kidneys stop working or we will fall out of remission but you sure as hell don't see us taking polls on how to handle it on our own with inner strength and dedication. Then again, I don't use my "circumstance" as an excuse to not move forward, be happy and make the best damn life I can for myself.
I think Trent is correct, you *do* have all the answers and there is nothing more for us to exchange. I will echo the "best of luck to you" statement.
I really think you have no idea how terribly offensive your post was. Your W might treat you like crap but you treat others the same way. At least your W is open and treats you like crap because she feels like it. You treat people like crap under the guise of being a victim, stander, preacher or whatever it is this week. You can project your weakness all you want, it just won't fall on my ears or eyes anymore. And that my friend is a boundary.
