When I first started counseling a few months after he left she focused on the basics.
If it hurt to see him, talk on the phone. If talking on the phone was too difficult, use email. If email sent me over the edge, read it, close it. Look at it later. Wait 24 to 48 hours before responding. I would read the email to my brother to understand what it meant because I was such an emotional wreck (and recovering from a significant head injury).
If it feels absolutely right, do it. If it feels wrong, don't. If you can't decide or keep waffling, don't.
When I couldn't get a thought out of my mind, was obsessing realize it for what it was.. anxiety.. who's gift is to take the smallest twinge of fear and exponentially explode it. Stop what I was doing, move, get out of my head to break the cycle.
Express it all.. the anger and emotions.. first through writing, then through drawing (at times scribbling the paper to shreds), singing.. exercise, constructive destruction (my own coping mechanism consisting of whacking away bushes, small trees, heave ho-ing clutter, etc in time of crisis to help focus and vent).
Over time through reading and learning I found..
The reality is never as bad as what I fear.
Implemented The Four Agreements as a guidepost in life.
Be Impeccable With Your Words Don't Take Anything Personally Don't Make Assumptions Always Do Your Best
When anger surges, send blessings to the one I'm annoyed at.
Immediately forgive another for what sets me off, since it's coming from within me.
Try to do what I fear most first, the rest is easy.
Be healthy in mind, body and spirit. The rest will follow. (Still working on that).
Attempt what I always dreamed but was too fearful to try. Can't be any worse than not doing it.
Reach out to others.
Ask for help.
Sit on my hands and let others figure it out... i.e., hush my compulsion to have all the answers and fix things.
Realize that what I write here inadvertently are messages often meant for my own well being. I guess, what I write is what I need to hear, too.
