Get reading DR. Uncouple yourself from your H not out of spite but out of love for yourself (if you are not used to loving yourself then great emphasis needs to be placed on this since the one who you figured would be by your side is fully adrift) and out of love for him.
For right now cease entirely trying to "win" your H back. Your current H is not one you would want to "win" back. Therefore you work entirely on yourself ..yourself .. yourself. Start planning things out with you as the central focus in order to get back under control that which is the only certainty to control .. you .. you ..you! If personal strength and confidence is very elusive to you now then plug away at this until you have achieved this objective.
Lastly but far from it to me personally or I would surely be hypocritical or something is the belief that the good Lord in heaven well see you through this and all great challenges in life. Not sure how you sit or stand on this being mentioned but enlisting the help of the Almighty achieves peace, stability and success. Your H is most assuredly adrift, .. the Lord never is.
