WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[P17]

Thanks for the confidence Sandi, I got started this morning with a workout, I lost 70 pounds through this whole thing and at 6' 3" , 165 pounds doesn't look great. I only thought about her once or twice during the workout. Early on in the storm after I found out about the first A, I couldn't do it b/c of all the negative feelings that it drummed up.

I found that when I first started to exercise I also felt incredibly upset and teary. Apparently that is natural too if we are not used to doing these things for ourselves. I felt very guilty about it too.

The gym is one of the best places I've found to get the mind off of the situation.

I am not worried about trying to contact her or her family, just worried about getting down about the loss of my partner in life. Its not that I miss her so much, I miss the idea having someone else to help and support as you raise your kids, take on challenges, celebrate success and share life's experiences. Sometimes the feeling of being all alone is overwhelming.

I'm finding the loneliness the hardest part to cope with too. I wish I could give you a magic formula to make it better but I don't think there is one. I work from home which makes things a whole lot worse. I try and get out more even if it's just for a few hours to visit a friend for a coffee. The only thing that keeps me going through that is the knowledge that it will get easier.