New, my story

[Inaspin]

I think I have managed to answer some of my questions by just going over my sitch and my posts for the last month.

I realize that I am basically going to have to start over with my approach. I have tackled this from the wrong angle and need to face the facts.

Time to front up and get some balls. I have nothing to lose. In my W eyes she is already finished, so I need to let it go.

Last night was the first night I actually detached physically, I did not try to kiss her good night or this morning. I was calm, nice but not over friendly or chatty. I realize that this is my first 180, my first step at not relying on her for my happiness. I will not allow her actions to affect me, and I will be considerate, but will not live my life waiting for her.

I got up this morning and went for a jog, and am starting to think that if we do D, it will not be the end of the world, but either way, I'm going to get a new beginning. That thought made my sitch seem more bearable, because both roads are going to be tough, so I might as well be positive about what lies ahead.

I am getting closer and closer to god each day, and realize that I can ask for forgiveness, even if I'm still a mess. He does not hold grudges, and he will help to brake free of the guilt, pain and frustration I have built up in me.

So I'm looking at this as day 2 of my journey, as I don't think I really got it until yesterday.