As for the virtues of staying in the marriage, we have a whole bunch of kids. So it very much matters to a whole lot of people, not just the tumbleweed.
Hey Ssmguy, I understand and respect your position - but the thing that worries me (mostly from a woman/your wife's perspective) is what happens when the kids are grown, the house is paid off, your career is bubbling along .... and there are not a whole lot of people who benefit from you and your wife staying married?
Will you still be prepared to stay in a ssm? Particularly if some bright young thing with great legs at the office notices you?
I understand your position and agree there are enough reasons to stay married if you've got kids and a house etc etc, however in the years I've been reading about marriages/relationships/life transitions etc I've noticed a consistent theme around people who got married young or have been in marriages that were OK - but not fantastic - who reach a particular age or point in their life where they just crack and leave their marriage and the left behind spouse (LBS) is completely shocked.
I've heard women shattered when their husband tells them ILYBINILWY after 15 or 25 years of marriage - saying things like "we haven't had sex in 10 years - so why is he leaving now, why not 9 years ago?" or "I knew he'd like to have more sex - but I didn't know he'd leave me because of it".
To be fair, those husbands probably didn't think they would leave either early in the SSM - but often the kids are older, there's not so many reasons to stay married, men are more confident, so less concerned with what family and friends will think of them/say about them etc etc.
Around here people call it a mid-life crisis, I refer to it as life transition. I worry about your wife - because even though you guys have been in therapy etc, it seems you've let her off the hook for now in relation to working on this part of your marriage - so it's possible she's in denial about how big an issue this is for you.
for what it's worth ....
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
