#67 Cant find my "pieces"

[Forrest Gump]

"I think folks can sense half hearted gestures. And why would you force yourself to try to make love with someone you find dirty?"

She is a "dirty" girl at heart. And yes.. lots of 1/2 hearted.

"But I am going to be testing myself thru this -if it ever happens."

Really? Like it has never happened before?

"I have been trying to imagine how it would be like. Hoping that maybe he will feel so loving I will feel better about us."

Yea.. you have done this before. Still waiting on the "reaction". Pretty soon you are gonna tell me that if you explain it.. "it" will loose it's luster.. and mean less to you.

Wait.. I have heard that here before.

"Sometimes I imagine him calling me his woman as he used to"

Was that when he was "dating" or when things were "good". I will tell you right now.. you are not "his woman" with the way you are acting. I bet if you asked him.. he has no idea who you are. Wait.. you already said that. I am confused.

"well, lets say, "my signal" gets hijacked and I see "scenes" from a dirty movie where I am not the star..."

You have been watching too much porn. Is porn really that easy to get over there in Greece? I mean damn.

It was a deal breaker.. or it was not. Simple as that.

"I'll be fine. I think all this is normal. But every step of the way, I am dealing with different emotions. I am learning as I proceed."

applause.

"Check your mail."

I am gonna make it my background on my computer and see if my boss gets it.

"Yeah, that thought comes often to my mind."

Yet.. something is dragging you along?

"How SAD is it to feel your spouse doesnt deserve your love... Big ISSUE for me. He doesnt deserve it. And I CANT show it to someone that does 1000%."

The "focus" is wrong. You are using his LL as a gauge. You want a "reaction". You want an "emotional" response. To be honest.. if you want this as much as I think you do.. .001% should have been enough. Now I am known to ride unicorn's, or to talk in "alien" talk. Either way.. I am just pointing out the facts. You know this "guy". Inside and out. Yet you let him ride his unicorn/alien talk right over top of you.

You chose to post. You chose to ask how can I win.

You have to lead.

or

You have to quit.

Funny how things go is circles.