It's hard to tell what's going on. Your post is a little hard to read--was it done from a phone or something, maybe? It sounds like your wife had a physical affair after some time of sex-starved marriage (How long? 4 years, or longer?) I also get the impression that you confronted her and she denied it, but later came clean . . . and that the two of you reconciled and decided to work on your marriage, but she continued contact with the other man, telling him about her sex life with you and you about her sex life with him. If any of that is wrong, please correct it.
You've got more than one issue going on at once here. There's the sex-starved nature of your marriage, her infidelity, and her failure to end the affair.
Have you read The Sex-Starved Marriage? It's a great help, but it does essentially focus on couples who have made the choice to work on the marriage together and make things better. From your description, your wife doesn't seem to have turned that corner yet. She seems to have one foot out the door.
Others will be along to help you more than I can, but you're not alone on this. Exhaustion and overwhelmed feelings kill the sex drive of anyone on the low side of the spectrum. She's obviously hurt you badly, and you may have hurt her, too, whether you realize it or not, but that doesn't have to be the end of it.
Question: When did the sex-starved phase of your marriage begin, and was that before or after she had an affair? Don't be embarassed, there are members here who've been through just about everything and have believed every dumb thing you can imagine.
