Wife texted me, she'd be back in town with kids so they could see me tgiving.
texted back: have fun tell the others hi,don't have to rush back u guys to c ur family,kids and i had tgiving be safe.
I'm really stinging but what can i do. least it was over a text so she wouldn't c how bad i hurt.
got my last tattoo done last nite, all her names are covered up.
but if things get restored, i'll tell her the meaning of the lighthouse.
for now it's what i want to be and it has a lot of meaning regardless of what happens.
i wish i had more regrets about our M, but i don't and that's what really hurts, i didn't do anything catastrophic, i put my family first.
Grace I looked up avoidant personality, those are the ones that most often file when they hit mlc.
my wife was a codependent with an avoidant personality. i wish she'd get to a point of rewriting things she share her feelings, i'd rather know her intimately that way.
so many things i've learned and don't have her to share them with.
These are the thoughts that are killing you my friend. The truth is we will never really know what they are thinking. You might be lucky enough to get a glimpse every now and then....but their reality is different than ours. I know it hurts, but you are doing good.
As far as sharing what you have learned....try to show her instead. Show her the Ayk that acknowledges his ADD. The one who has reprioritized his life. The Ayk who is not sh##ing himself, but instead is excelling.
Those actions will get results...wondering what the MLC is thinking will get you nowhere.
Without a doubt you can push her farther away. Sometimes even things with the purest intent of just be friendly can push her farther away. That is why doing what she asks, giving space, actually works for you. I am not saying be impolite or cold...but more like a you would treat a casual friend. As for her acknowledging anything....don't hold your breathe. It just doesn't happen very often if at all.
I would disagree with excelling out of the house being harder. I am home with my wife and there isn't the opportunity to slip. Even the smallest slip is right there in front of her. With you out of the house she doesn't see the big breakdowns, etc that would remind her of the damage she is doing (which isn't good at all for rebuilding a relationship). Your interactions are more limited and the mental strain is less on you. The other big one that can happen...is that you don't see her going out to be with others right in front of you. I could go on and on......but I think you have the picture.
As far as acting like it is nothing...let me paint you a picture. Go into a bar with two friends. One very loud, cocky, and chasing every piece of tail in sight. The other quiet and confident. Who do you think walks out of the bar with the hottest woman in there?
Why is she enjoying telling people I'm s*****g myself.
How could someone that I cared for like none other be getting so much joy out of hurting and saying stuff like that to people?
Do they ever realize how hurtful and feel the pain for what they put their spouse through or not.
I can't believe that I love this person that is relishing in being so hurtful and enjoying it.
This is what they do.
They have to convince themselves and others that what is going on is alright. They will say and do anything to avoid the real issue.
I know it hurts, but you have to remember that she isn't right. This is not your wife talking. She will never let you see it, but her mind is a mess right now.
Do your best to remind yourself of this. See it for what it is.
Hang in there buddy, focus on you and making this weekend a great one. Have any plans??
From what I have read (and I haven't read it all), your texts already have too many words. You are textng back like things are normal. I bet it feels like pressure to her.
If it doesn't need a response, don't send one. She says she's leaving town. Is there a question there? I don't think so. Send nothing back.
If it needs an answer, yes, or no, or ok. Not, "yes, ... ... ... ". Back off!
