I think I am, actually. I still have my moments, but honestly, I feel pretty damned good. I think the only thing that bothers me now is, after all this time, why all of a sudden stbx is on my mind so much. I suppose this is normal, but I really don't like it. I suppose that this will subside once the divorce is final, and we really have no reason to speak anymore. But at the same time, I notice that there always seems to be a reason for us to talk. I think at some point I am going to have to put a stop to that. But right now I don't want to. Of course, I also know how not to answer the phone all the time, and to be unavailable. At the same time, I am really not looking to try to lure him back. I have done that in the past, and frankly the dramatics are a little too exhausting. I don't mind talking to him, but I think I am at the point where if it happens it does, and if it doesn't...eh.
I suppose I will always love him. Part of me still thinks that he is the only man I will ever want to spend my life with. But at the same time, my life isn't dependent on it either.
Somehow, though, I feel a little silly for even entertaining the thought after all this time. I mean, we have actually been separated longer than we were married and living together. There has to be something said for that.
In the meantime, I am just going with the flow. I like it that way, really not trying to read the future, but just living and taking each day as it comes. I am at peace. It is strange, but I am.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
