MT21, Sorry you are here, but this is a very safe place and a place that will help you tremendously in the coming days... I am a newbie myself, but I wanted to address one thing you said. You have been advised to stop breaking down in front of your W and you said you are not a robot. That is very true, and you are going to keep having very difficult days and very strong emotions. You need to get that out. What you need to do is give yourself permission to break down when you are not around your W or your kids. Take time for yourself, go for a long walk or drive and let yourself break down. Acknowledge the very REAL and very VALID emotions you have. When our spouses blindside us with these sitches, it hurts like hell! You should feel what you feel. But, when you show that to her, it turns her off from you.
Feel it, vent it, express it... to yourself or to your bereavement counselor. Then, shake it off and let it go. When you are around your W, be as upbeat and busy as you can. If you can't do this yet (it took me awhile to get there) then at least be "neutral" when around her. She is caught up in herself right now and does not want to have to deal with your emotions.
You may not be ready yet to face the possibility of an OP. I understand. That was hard for me to face too. If you can't yet, then please focus on taking care of yourself and on your kids. When you are ready, you will look at that issue, and my guess is you will do that sooner than you think. When/if you do... this community is here for you, and it is full of really great, very caring, and very wise people.
You are going to be ok.... hang in there.... Rocked
