Looking backward but only to move forward SEVEN

[sage]

Hi all,

Feeling a bit better, a bit more productive. In the past week+ I have tried very hard to work on my attitude. Much of it has been acting "as if" truth be told but some of it has been trying to be grateful, to treat my life with gratitude instead of pessimism. It was working in kind of a miraculous way for a bit, even h seemed more relaxed and open, and then I started compressing again a bit...oh, well, two steps forward, one step back.

Oldtimer, yes, I could certainly use some time ALONE and honestly I have no qualms about leaving dd with h. It took a while but he is truly as comfortable with her as I am and in some ways, more effective with her (and in other ways, less so). The thought of sex toys and actually using them makes me half laugh, half cry. See earlier post on anger ...

RedHeadWife, I have NO IDEA how I got from DB'ing like it was second nature to feeling almost unable to do it, comprehend it, want it, at all. I guess it's kind of like a diet for me...when I'm good and "on" I'm really doing great but when I fall off the wagon, LOOK OUT! I did feel as though I flexed some DB muscles last week and felt REALLY good about it but need to figure out how to do it as a rule.

Whitelight, to be perfectly honest, to pretty much anyone looking INTO my m, they would see my anger as 95% justified...and that was true pre-bomb as well. But, you know what? My anger is getting me NO WHERE and if anything, it's getting me further from my goals. No matter what, my anger isnt serving my purpose...no matter how "right" it may be.

amd, you always make me feel so good and taken care of. Don't tempt me on a road trip! I'll be on your doorstep before you know it! :-)

So, where am I? Still stuck in a couple of key areas. MONEY....household responsibility (not so much caring for dd but just pulling ones weight)...a sense of caring/concern for our future. I'm trying to be better at knowing the difference between letting stuff go (because it needs to be) and speaking up. Not particularly good at either one :-) Looking forward to a long weekend -- hope to get some sleep, relax, get a massage, spend some QT w/h and dd.

Back soon. Sage