Sad to be here

[Norm914]

Haven’t posted or read the threads for a few days. Been too busy GALing. That’s a good thing, I think, (had a great weekend) but I feel kinda selfish for not looking in and supporting the others as much. Sorry guys. Just read up on some of the threads.

My first big 180 was on or around 11/08 when I stopped pursuing. No more late night texts, “I love you/miss you/ wish you were here”. No phone calls unless warranted by business and I try to text rather than call when contact is necessary. Text seems to me to be the epitome of short and mysterious. No facial expression or tone of voice for W to go on. I knew it would take a bit of time for her to notice.

Today, had to call W on a business matter where text just wouldn’t do. Called her cell so she knew it was me before she answered: “Hi! How are you?” in a tone of voice I haven’t heard for awhile – almost excited to hear from me. Know I shouldn’t read too much into that, but it was interesting. I’ve known her for 22 years. She can’t BS me. I know she’s struggling with this separation no matter what kind of front she is putting up.
And I know I have her wondering.

She’s staying with BIL with nowhere to go and no way to get there. And she really has no option for divorcing me that wouldn’t cause a ton collateral damage. As far as staving off a divorce, I’m holding all the cards.

Two thing have been on my mind:

One is a letter she sent me (via email) a couple of weeks ago that entailed all the reasons why she was unhappy and why the marriage went downhill. Some of it is legit. I haven’t been perfect. But neither has she. But, of course, she sees very little of it as her fault. I followed the advice I see on this board, “Don’t react!”, and I didn’t. I didn’t fire a letter back. BTW, I think letters can be a good way to communicate because they allow one to choose words and thoughts carefully. I’ve been re-reading the letter and adjusting my draft response to it every day. I want to validate her feelings while trying to make her understand mine and at the same time being firm and strong.

On top of all that, I know, this is all R talk. Not what sure what to do or how and when to do it. I have a feeling that she’s wondering why I didn’t respond right away, which is a plus.

Second, I’m really having trouble with how to be friends with her in a way that does not appease her desire for us to be friends after a divorce. We see each other at our business every day. We’re usually both busy with clients so I’m able to keep it cheerful but short.
She says she wants us to be “good friends and business partners” as a happy ending to what she is doing (separation and divorce) and I don’t want to encourage that. At the same time, friendship could lead to a new courtship and I certainly don’t want to screw that up as I want to save my marriage.

Help me!! Anyone??