when u say "change the relationship enough and she will question her decision", do you mean the relationship with my son or with her ?
I was referring to the relationship with your wife.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
but I'm stuggling to try and change my relationship with her when she won't spend any time with me or speak to me unless it's about our son or the house? How can I do that (other than showing her I am changing within my own life) when there is little communication ?
but I'm stuggling to try and change my relationship with her when she won't spend any time with me or speak to me unless it's about our son or the house? How can I do that (other than showing her I am changing within my own life) when there is little communication ?
As PDT pointed out in another thread, people discount the effect of third parties.
If you are making improvements, she'll hear about them. From mutual friends, relatives, your son, etc. And they carry more impact because those are OTHER PEOPLE'S impressions of you.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Thats another problem. Our mutual friends or her family do not speak to me. I think they are worried that she will get upset with them. For example, one set of our mutual friends asked us to be godparents to their 2 sons. Since we have split I have not heard a single word from them. They didn't even wish me happy birthday on Sunday and they would always either call or send me a message, but this year, nothing.
Most of our mutual friends have been her friends. She doesn't like many of my friends, and the ones she does, she won't be calling them to have a chat.
My son is only 6. He has been telling her how much fun we have had, and that he is excited about karate. She sent me a text last night saying how excited and proud he looked when he told her that I was taking him to karate on Thursday.
This is my problem, she will see how excited and proud he looked and think that us being seperated is best for our son.
Kids don't really bounce back from divorce. They would rather have their parents together, except in cases of abuse or domestic violence. But that's using logic and facts in an emotional debate. She doesn't feel like she wants to be married to you; you can't make her think her way out of that.
And again, we're back to "you cannot control her thoughts or feelings about the relationship". She will think whatever she wants to think about the situation.
I mean, really -- if your son being happy when he spends time with you means that she is more likely to think that divorce is a good idea, then the converse proposition should be true; in order for her to think that divorce is a bad idea, you son must be unhappy when he spends time with you. Does that sound like a reasonable proposition?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Stu, dont mind read! You dont know what shell think, maybe shell think that its for the best, maybe shell be sad that she wasnt there to see it, maybe shell think that hes happy because the moon is in its second phase of Leo and the tide was high or some other zany crap, who knows?!
Even if he is happy now, he will start asking the inevitable when are we going to live with daddy again, or when is daddy going to come home, why cant you and daddy live together?
Divorce is really hard on kids, and when he actually understands whats going on, its going to break all of your hearts.
You have to stop worrying about how shes going to react to these things and do them because its the right thing to do, not because it may or may not make her think something.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Your both right. Him being happy is the most important thing.
I guess I always look at things from a negative perspective. I somehow manage to turn positive things into negative. I guess thats one of my issues. I tend to think too much where I should just enjoy the moments and happiness I bring to others.
My wife has asked me to go for a coffee on Sunday night. I asked what it was for and she asked me if it mattered. I said yes, it does. If it is to talk about the divorce or the properties, then I wasn't ready to discuss it. She said it was to discuss plans for our son over the 6 weeks that he is off from school. I said ok.
