I've seen people on this board say that they heard this from their spouse so many times I want to scream.
ILYBNILWY.
Why don't we call it "I love you (you supported me, was there for me emotionally, physically, held me when I cried myself to sleep because my grandmother died or my family is dysfunctional, were understanding, caring, patient, paid the house payment while I spent my money on whatever - but now I'm suddenly not in love with you."
How do you go from being in love with someone...wanting to spend every moment with them, making them promise you won't become the married couple who never talks, never sleeps together...to being just the opposite of that. Then when that happens not even wanting to fix it, just throw it all away.
In my experience, in studying thousands of these situations over the past five years, "ILYBINILWY" -- about 75-80% of the time -- means that there is someone else.
Basically, it means "now that I'm feeling the giddy rush of brain chemicals associated with lust/early infatuation, and comparing those to US (where it's naturally worn off over the years) . . . I conclude that I must not be 'in love' with you any more."
Definitely "script." And weasle-y, cowardly WAS-speak. Similar to my xH's statement as we signed the papers--"I'll always love you." It makes them feel better about themselves--"what a great person I am, I'm not crushing my spouse because I'm still saying I love them."
Love the physiology, Pup. very apt description.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
"Wait a minnit! Isn't that whatcha said at the wedding? Look what that was worth!", would be my fantasy reply if that winds up being said to me. Though I am preferring more and more Puppy''s (is it Puppy's?) Just shake your head while saying "unbelievable," turn and walk away.
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
Love the physiology, Pup. very apt description.
Yes. And after all the chemicals, neurons and hormone rushes subside, love is a decision. Every day. Some decide to stop loving and try to make it out to be the results of forces totally out of their control. "It just happened!"
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
oh, at that point I was just so flippin' glad to have it all over with and behind me that I really didn't care. it's just that in retrospect, it was so very typical. I wonder how many people he told that he said that, thinking it made him sound like such a sensitive, kind guy.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
