Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Boundaries with Compassion:
It took me a while, but I finally figured out what my boundary is regarding my moving out, overpaying alimony, etc. These all fall into the category of not rescuing, making the WAS feel consequences, etc, but that is all a negative boundary - "I am doing this because I want you to feel..." That's not it at all (and besides, it is very hard to explain that to the WAS or a 3rd party)

the real boundary is this:

"You can have your freedom and your happiness, but you can't have MINE!"

- If you want to leave the M you can leave the M, but don't ask me to make myself unhappy by changing my life (by moving to an appartment, not seeing the kids, etc) so that your life can stay unchanged.

- If you want to leave the M you can take your rightful portion of the assets and can expect to be supported for the transition period through the normal, customary spousal support, but don't ask me to give you more than that, because that would prevent me from being able to move on financially.