here we go again

[Ready2Change]

Hi Sweetie,

I will start out by saying how sorry I am that you are going through all of this without his support. It must be so hard for you. The best thing I feel I can offer you is guidance. Most of my thoughts come from all the books I have read and all the threads I have read on this site.

As far as money he gives me nothing not a penny.

He is responsible for HIS children. It is up to you to set YOUR boundaries on what is acceptable. If you do not set a boundary, things will continue as before. The best thing you can do is TAKE ACTION. Child support is based on a formula. Find out what he should be paying you each month. (IE gain knowledge). Then GIVE HIM A CHOICE:

"H, I feel it is time for you to step up and take responsibility for your children. I expect XYZ dollars from you on the first of every month. If I do not recieve this money, I will file for child support."

he gives his money to his mommie daddie and to pay his truck.

His choices have consequences. He made his choices and now has children. He has responsibility to his children. If he cannot afford the truck and his kids, he may loose his truck. HIS ISSUE. Not yours.

i have always taken care of the mortgage, utilities food. from time to time he has given me a hundred here or there over the course of 2 - 3 years.

You can also file for back child support if he refuses to make payments to you. This is another option that you should look into.

.. so he can brag about a son he didn't give two shits about when i was pregnat, rate now those feelings are far to disgusting for me to even think of him being there if we are not man and wife.

If you do not want him there. Great. This is also your choice based on HIS behavior. Boundaries are set for YOUR protection. When he demonstrates changes in his behavior, then reevaluate your boundaries.

i ONLY WANT him there if we are reconciled. should i state that to him?

Here is a boundary statement:

"H, when you _____, I feel ______ , I want _______"

"H, When you do not support me during this pregnancy, I feel angry and disrespected, I deserve respect. Until I see genuine respect, I see no reason for you to be in the delivery room."

You can determine what respect boundaries to set later. Consoling, other changes in the way he treats you etc...

i would love to be able to work out let go of stress, or drink or just go out dancing be social something, but the size of my belly no drinking no smoking no loud music, no lifting weights ect puts damper on it

YES. How about walks, massage.....

after i'm done working all day driving extra miles to get my daughter then back to my house cooking dinner feeding he dogs the cats, getting me water that i can carry, grading papers, planning for next day's weeks lessons, i'm beat.

I bet you are. It must be exhausting.

i still wake up in the middle of the night, so does my daughter, we both sleep on the couch.

Why not a bed?

there's nothing to trust in him then bs, lies deciet selfishness, i got that part. i just don't know what to do now.

Take action to do what is best for your children and you. Do not enable his bad behavior.

how do i move on being pregnant with some dudes baby, he doesn't give a crap of either of his kids.

He might not give a crap, but he is legally responsible for them. If he chooses not to be responsible, then the law and court system can.