Just so you know... 2

[orangedog]

Yes, what's been done to us sucks. Divorce divides up our social world of family and friends, wrecks our finances, and takes a baseball bat to our self esteem. It wasn't my choice to go through this and from what I know it wasn't your choice either.

I think it's also natural in a situation of loss to find blame. Throughout life we all suffer losses. We lose friends, family, and things along the way, and sometimes it's just not fair. We often want blame someone, ourselves, the system, the "man", or whoever. "If it just hadn't been for...then..."

But even when the blame is justified, as in your case (and mine), holding onto it too long just prolongs the suffering and loss. It's sad what they have done. It's sad he did not hold up his end of the deal. However you should feel good about your actions. You did what you could to discover what happened and try to fix it. You did your best. Don't let him define the rest of your life.

I don't don't like feeling bitter, jealous, or crushed by what happened either. It's a natural response but I hate it. It makes me feel ugly. Cry, yell, throw some plates and get it out, but sooner or later put it to rest. It's not easy to do but necessary. Feel good about being you knowing you did the best you could.

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A "regular 27 year old" ? What's that? Don't feel less than who you are because of what happened. As I mentioned in the first paragraph, divorce takes a lot of things away. It's hard to start over again and to see other people who have all the "stuff" in life that supposedly makes them happy. However as we heal from this we will become stronger and better. "Scars tell stories." You've lived a little now and learned some things. You will get there but right now all you need to worry about is being the best Bluerain you can be.

The Hindi greeting "Namaste" (two hands together) used in India and the East has a lot of translations but the best one I ever heard was "I see the light in you" . I see a lot of light in you, Bluerain. You are a smart, independent woman who has a lot of interests and works hard. You are aware of your feelings and committed to getting better. Keep growing that light and let others be drawn to it.