here we go again

[Jstar]

I 'm going through the should of's of what i've said and texted. not sure if i should have demanded he remove every time of his from the house? i guess i was holding onto it as a sign of something. that's what he told me friday he didn't want to take everything because he planned on working things out.

we've been seperated before, 9 months and we got back together with nothing changing. duirng our back to gether i got pregnant had miscarriage, lost more family members and here we are again, me pregnant but this baby WILL live(power of positive thinking believing. it's like if he can walk away when our d2 was 2 months old, no reason he can't do it again, me pregnant with yet another child. i kept getting further into financial obligation more children and putting my livelyhood in jeapordy. i'm no longer sad, i'm darn pissed off and angry. suppose like death going through variety of emotions in stages.

really how am i going to let go of resentment when he does want to come back, you bastard you left me when i was pregnant, hospitalized. i told him he thinks he can be in the delivery room for csection, there's no way, if he can't be there for me now how can i have him be there when it suits him when our son is born. i think beleive the closer we get to the birth the more he's going to flip out i don't know maybe i'm wrong. i want him to be there but i said he can't if we are not a family as husband wife.