Hi Ali, I think the idea of an online support group for the spouses of depressed people sounds great, if you can find it. And congrats to your bf on standing up to his mother for you!
I have to agree with what Naej says about children and how they make an unstable relationship much worse--over and over on these boards I've read stories about partners whose marriages drifted apart while their attention was on the children. Personally, I found that first sleepless year when I was exhausted with lack of REM sleep and didn't want to be touched after the incessant neediness of my high-maintenance firstborn, was the beginning of a shift in our relationship that almost ended it.
Still, knowledge is power--if you know all the pitfalls to avoid, your relationship will stand a better chance. If/when marriage talk comes up, though, it would be good to discuss whether/not kids are a dealbreaker before proceeding further....
How long have you been reunited now? Considering it takes 12-24 months to be completely over the disruption to a relationship, you seem to be doing extremely well. Rest assured, over time thoughts of Helen will be far less invasive, will hardly prick you, and the humiliation of knowing that your bf paraded his relationship with her in front of everyone you know will cease to matter.
Perhaps it would be good to set a mental date by which, if he hasn't proposed, you would initiate a frank discussion about his feelings on marriage? Marriage is, after all, a partnership, so leaving all the power of deciding in his hands must make you feel as though you lack agency?
