Need Help again!!

[Augtan]

So, XH is coming up here for Thanksgiving, and I plan to be very non-emotional, no R talk, no anything really. I am just going to be me and do my thing. I hope and pray I can do it! I don't know how to link my other thread, but it is "Help, Slept with XH".

Here is what I need help with the most!! I know I am suppose to just forget OW exsists at all, never mention her, etc. But, I find that so hard to do! I have gone over a week without contact with him, doesn't seem long I know but with three kids with whom he was very involved with before MLC, this is a long time for us. He is back in the tunnel in a big way. D16 had to be withdrawn from HS and not a word from XH, he knows all about it, but not one call to find out what is going on, how she is, what she is going to do, etc. So, I know he is back in full-swing with OW living like they are the only people in the world.

I guess what I am asking is, even if I don't say a word about her, I can only go a few days without thinking about my man with someone else. I should be past this, I know, but bottom line is I'm not! We have been together since I was 18, the pain of knowing he wants and is with OW kills me!! If D10 talks to him and he indicates he is at OW's house, I get a shooting pain through my body, I hate it! So, how have all of you dealt with the pain of the OW even after all this time. Although, I figured he was with OW all along, I only just found out in September that he really was with her again when we were living together and working on our marriage after bomb. I am sick of feeling so desperate about it, and so hurt by the fact that he wants someone like that over me, she is just plain awful inside and out. I do all the self-talk, I immediatley change my thoughts, but the shooting pain when it is in my face just doesn't stop. How and when will this end? I have tried to detach, stop loving him, stop thinking about him, etc. I do a good job for the most part, but I need to do better!!

ME-39
XH-42
M- 17 1/2 T-21
D16, S14, D10
MLC- 10/06, started with OW same time
Bomb #1- 7/07
sep- 9/07
back T-12/07
sep for good-7/08
D final-5/09
bomb #2-9/09 (was with OW since 2/08)