Is my Wife Cheating?

[DownNotOut...yet]

DOOD! As a former puss boy/enabler, I gotta tell you, these guys are absolutely right. The crushing sound you hear right now is your nuts. I absolutely empathize with the fear you are feeling right now but I can tell you from experience that even if you do keep your wife, you are creating a precedent for the way your relationship will be going forward and it will take twice as long to recover IF ever. You are creating, what at one point around here, we called an entitlement monster. It is evil and you want no part of it.

I kept my wife but easily added a year of misery to my situation by going down the path you are now. Things are getting better here but every single day is a battle to get my nards back. Remarkably the only time things get better is when I put my foot down. She screems bloody murder, I point to the door. Beyond all logic, usually a day later she is nicer than before I stood up to her. R E S P E C T.

DO NOT make the same mistake. Pup and Rob sound harsh but trust me, if you can't solve your situation their way, you are better off leaving now.

[Greek]

REJECT HER....

Reject WHAT SHE IS DOING...not her. Unless you truly do not want HER anymore. Then cut her loose. But if you want to work on your M, reject her behavior, not HER. Know the difference.

Greek

[Steady on course]

All of you guys are right on target. I need a good kick in the nards to wake up. I guess I just need to hear it from subject matter experts. I will not let myself be de-throned! I'll start with the finances tonight. Should I discard the souvenirs, or tell her to do it? Should I leave BF alone, or call his wife and let her know what is in store for her? He was constantly bragging during our short friendship about moving all of his assets and divorcing her. My gut tells me to leave them alone. But she’s the one who originally told me.

[DownNotOut...yet]

Souvenirs? You mean the coffee cup and such? Have her do it but frame it in a boundry statement...

Coach quoted from above

Time to set some boundaries. "Wife, I have decided I will not share you with another man. There will be no more contact of any kind. We will have complete transparency in this, full access to e-mail and phones. You will also remove any item that was his from our home. I will not be or our family disrespected any longer. If you do have more contact I will pack your bags and you will leave our home."

Leave BF alone, leave BF wife alone. That stuff just makes you look petty. The issue is between you and your wife, not them.

[Greek]

This is my opinion -

When you talk about finances, you tell her how it is going to be going forward. If she has income, that's hers. But yours is off limits. Tell her what you will pay for re: providing for the household. You should not pay for her cell phone or her 'nice to have' things. She will need to learn to take care of herself. That's what Big Girls do.

Tell her that she will remove those souveniers from your home now. If she will not, you will do it for her - box them up, put them on the outside of the door, not to be brought in your house again. You don't allow that kind of disrespect. Moreover, let her know that all contact must stop. If it doesn't, you'll pack her things and put them on the outside of the door. She can have him, but she cannot have you, too. Then you hold yourself to it.

Do not contact OM or his wife. You know everything you need to know. You are above their mess. They have been poison for your family.

Greek

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I agree with all of the above, except I WOULD expose their affair to the other man's wife. She has a right to know, and shouldn't be the ONLY one (of the 4 affected) who doesn't. Let her have the information, so she can make her own, INFORMED decisions for herself and her family.

Puppy

[Steady on course]

Thanks. Sounds solid. Not sure if I'm navigating this forum correctly. I’ve been responding at the bottom of the thread in the "quick reply" box. Hope this is the right spot. This is my umbilical cord for the moment. I've been emotional neglected for some time by wife. Any attention I get - I melt like a sappy pathetic wimp. Need to overcome the occasional bones thrown my way, and re-attach my sack. Thanks to all for the life line.

[Greek]

I agree with all of the above, except I WOULD expose their affair to the other man's wife. She has a right to know, and shouldn't be the ONLY one (of the 4 affected) who doesn't. Let her have the information, so she can make her own, INFORMED decisions for herself and her family.

Puppy

Unless I'm getting my stories confused, the OM's wife knows - she's the one who called Oblivious and told him.


Greek

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I was going by this:

Should I leave BF alone, or call his wife and let her know what is in store for her?

Too many sitches to keep up with!!

[Steady on course]

This is true. She called me with OM on leash in the same room. I told her to put him on the phone, so he could tell me. He wouldn’t come out from under his rock. OM wife told me to talk to my wife, that she should tell me all about it. That is what I did. As far as I know, OM is still licking his wounds from his wife, but who really knows. Judging by the severity of my wife’s withdrawal from OM, I'm guessing that this was a full blown affair. and may still be. My Wife has called me twice today, to feel me out. I usually call her 2-3 times a day. Not anymore. I'm available, but will not chase or beg anymore. I'm done being the pursuer. I'll manage the household and kids and take it a minute at a time.