"Even though I know some women who are HD, I still have a hard time believing they'd be sustained-HD after the initial novelty died off. Here I am in my late 50's and my desire level has been THE SAME since my early teens. I'd like to have a good romantic, erotic, sexual encounter about once a day. I can skip a day, but then I'd want maybe 2-3 times the 2nd day. Occasionally, it would be fun to have sex 5 or more times in a supercharged erotic day, but I don't think of that as requirement. I would really LOVE TO HEAR if any HD women here think that is way out of line, or if they'd ever want their husbands to have THAT level of sexual ardor. My ultimate fantasy is to be with a woman who wanted more sex than me, putting me in the position of saying, "What? Again?"! It's a kind of turn-the-tables fantasy, I suppose."
OK here is my situation.
I am HD, even more than my husband. He is not LD, just that I would like sex more frequently than he would. He would be happy with 1 - 2 times per week, and I would prefer 3 - 5 times per week.
Now having said this, I have to also say some other things about my situation, because I believe the below points are all related to my high level of desire.
1. I am VERY attracted to my husband physically and emotionally. He is my ideal.
2. I am getting all of my other emotional needs met right now, either by my husband or through friends and family.
3. I am not under any large amount of stress in my life at the moment.
4. My husband exhibits tendancies of an alpha male, and this keeps me sexually attracted (different than physical attraction) to him all the time.
5. My husband is a stellar lover, with a very experienced past sex life. He "knows" what to do, how to touch me, what women want/need sexually, he does not "fumble the ball" so to speak. Even down to just kissing, he is excellent at it, and I love kissing for long periods of time, so this is important.
6. My kids are grown and have flown.
7. I am in good physical health, and am not in menopause yet.
8. I am in good physical shape and am happy with my body, I feel sexy in clothes or out of them.
9. My husband and I are both mature enough to discuss and play out most or all of our fantasies (many times younger or more inexperienced couples are not comfortable with this).
- - - - -
Many women and counselors will say that for a woman, she needs to have a lot of other things in her life going "right" before she will feel her full sex drive. I happen to have all my boxes check marked to feel my full sex drive, so I can attest to this.
If you take away any of the items on my list above, my sex drive will change accordingly. Take away several items on my list, and my sex drive could take a nose dive.
It may seem unfair to men that women have such high needs to be met before she can feel her full sexuality, while a man sometimes doesn't need any needs met and he will feel his sex drive all the time.
But consider this: if you want your woman to want YOU and not just SEX, then her list has to be full. Don't you want her to want YOU? There is a difference.
I think women many times believe that a man just wants the sex, and not necessarily with her, just that she is his wife so he focuses on her, but that really he just wants sex period. This is a turn off to a woman, and believe it or not, it would be a turn off to most men, too.
For instance, I want my husband and only my husband. I literally sexually fantasize about him all day long, so by the time he gets home from work, I am just about ready to jump his bones just by my own fantasizing. But if he changed somehow and began acting like a "Nice Guy" (per the NMMNG book), I would immediately lose at least some of my sexual attraction for him. I am largely sexually attracted to him based on his alpha male tendancies. So if he changed, my desire toward him would change. But would my desire disappear completely? Unfortuantely what I think would happen is that I would begin to fantasize about sex with other people instead of with him. So my desire to feel sexual and to fantasize wouldn't probably change, but my desire to have sex WOULD change because I would most likely not want to have sex with HIM.
I am writing this to hopefully provoke thought in some of the guys around here. I don't know if this post will tick some people off though, so I apologize in advance if it does. I can already see that it is likely that men who have been spending years trying to meet their wives needs will balk at what I'm saying, as it hasn't worked for them. But....review my list again. Are ALL the items on this list true for your wife? Does she feel sexy, naked or in clothes? Is she strongly physically attracted to you? Does she have little kids, or is she in menopause?
So what happens to me when I hit menopause? I don't know yet, I'll check back in when it happens and let you know.
As for ssmguy's last point of having a fantasy of being with a woman who wants sex more than he does...ssmguy, I can tell you that you wouldn't like it. My husband does not like it that I seem to be dissatisfied with the amount of sex we have. He feels like 1 - 2 times per week is still really a good amount after 6 years together and considering our ages (42 and 46). When I want more, he doesn't take it as a compliment...he takes it as a complaint! And no man wants to hear that he isn't making his wife happy, right? So I literally have to tone it down and make sure he feels he is making me happy, make sure I don't appear to "just want sex" from him, as that is very insulting to him. Sound familiar? When we've just had great sex and I'm after him for more the next day, I am thinking "it was so great, I want more", and he is thinking "no matter how much I give her, it isn't enough". I think this is a typical pattern between mismatched libido spouses, even when the mismatch is still very close like ours is.
My point in a nutshell: I am very fortunate that all my list items are checked and I get to feel the full force of my sex drive...but I think most women are lacking in some or many of these types of list items and no matter how hard their husbands try to fill their wife's list, she has to fill many of the items herself, and some other items are beyond either of their control. Its one thing to think "oh great, I have fulfillled my wife's list so now she will automatically want more sex"...but the moment you've said that, you need to double check the list again, because if you aren't exhibiting alpha male tendancies, and you aren't in great physical shape and attractive to her, and if she has little kids at her feet, and so on and so forth, then your efforts may not work.
I know now (after being divorced and remarried) that my desire to feel sexual is and has always been very very high. But my desire to actually HAVE SEX is directly dependant upon my list factors above being met.
