I was talking to my father over the weekend about this situation. When asked how stbx was, I explained like this:
Right now, stbx's life is basically falling apart. The house is practically in foreclosure, his vehicle is looking at repossession. I can't save him, because this is not my lesson to learn. I have had several people suggest I turn him over to INS for fraud, or do something to exact revenge. But that is not my job. I have a strong faith, and I believe God teaches us lessons through every aspect of our lives. Mine may have already been learned, but his may not yet. I think he still has a way to go. My greatest gift to stbx is to back off and let him learn that lesson.
Will we end up being able to work through this? I don't know. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I don't know what the future brings. If it is meant to be, it will happen the way it is meant to, and no amount of trying to force the situation is going to make the outcome any different.
I am good right now. I am enjoying the relocation, my job, my life. I have decided to put dating on hold, not because of stbx, but because I realized I don't need to be with someone to be someone. I am enjoying my time alone. For the first time in my life, I am not afraid to be alone, but...I am also not really so lonely anymore. That does make a difference.
As far as leaving the door opened, I don't think it was ever really closed. Not yet anyway. I don't know that I want to be married to him anymore, I think because over all I realize that just because someone is married does not make them committed (unless it is to an insane asylum...hahahaha). Commitment comes from within. Honestly, I just want to be me, not necessarily someone's wife. I have some time to think about that since I cannot finalize the D until March. I am thinking, though, that I probably will finalize it, so that I can take back me again.
I don't know. Maybe it is because I have finally gotten my "sea legs..." I feel like I am on stable ground. The stigma of marriage is not such a big deal anymore. I do love stbx, always will. But I don't need to be married to him to know in my heart that I love him and always will. So the only thing for me to do now is carry on, move forward, and let him go for now. If he comes back, we will see where I am at
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
